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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Awkward husband

25 replies

Bemba · 28/10/2013 21:24

My childish husband is threatening to ruin family Christmas plans If I don't travel with him on a trip abroad to see his parents for a few days now.i really don't want to go what shall I do?

OP posts:
SirSugar · 28/10/2013 21:27

how does he plan to ruin the Christmas?

IsItMeOr · 28/10/2013 21:28

Not much info here to go on - based on this, you sound pretty childish...

Marriage is about give and take, and spending time with both your families.

Unless there's some additional info you've not given, then you should be growing up and going with him.

cece · 28/10/2013 21:29

What is he planning to do?
Would he actually do it?

NachoAddict · 28/10/2013 21:30

Why don't you want to go, apart from being blackmailed into it. What a lively man.

How is he intending to ruin Christmas?

firesidechat · 28/10/2013 21:31

Awkward husband or awkward wife? I honestly can't tell which from your post.

More info please.

Original poster
Bemba · 28/10/2013 21:35

Basically by not spending Xmas with my family when his family are not here anyway.just to be awkward as he does get on with my lot. Why should I do something I don't want to do? And be blackmailed? The fact that the is behaving childishly makes me more determined not to go with him

OP posts:
Flibbertyjibbet · 28/10/2013 21:35

If his parents are abroad does he get to see them at Christmas?

Too little information in your op.

Does he ever see his own parents at xmas? Do you have children etc?
Do you spend xmas with your own parents and maybe he just wants a bit of family time with his own?

Original poster
Bemba · 28/10/2013 21:37

I am not awkward as I spent two weeks there in summer .only got back in September!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bemba · 28/10/2013 21:37

Last Xmas we were together and had a lovely time.

OP posts:
firesidechat · 28/10/2013 21:39

I'm sorry but "I don't want to go" also comes across as slightly awkward too. Why don't you want to go?

Sometimes in a relationship we all have to do things that we would rather not do, including visits to the in laws.

firesidechat · 28/10/2013 21:42

Just seen your last post and that does change things slightly.

Original poster
Bemba · 28/10/2013 21:42

I think I will go for a quiet life, but not at all happy about it.

OP posts:
cjel · 28/10/2013 21:42

How about 'my awkward wife won't come to my parents with me even though we will see hers over christmas'

travailtotravel · 28/10/2013 21:45

Do you not have an arrangement for this - eg one year on, one year off - share the love and all that ...

HesterShaw · 28/10/2013 21:48

And you're married? You did understand what marriage means when you said your vows? Give and take and all that....

Original poster
Bemba · 28/10/2013 21:49

Not exactly an arrangement but I do my fair share with his family, so am surprised that no one thinks that blackmail is the wrong approach.

OP posts:
ALittleStranger · 28/10/2013 21:50

Well we don't know if it is blackmail... You both sound very stubborn. I'm sorry if he's awful and you're just struggling to articulate yourself but your OP doesn't paint either of you in stunning light.

IsItMeOr · 28/10/2013 21:50

Well, he's indicating that this is important to him, and trying to get you to realise that - albeit in a clumsy way - by drawing your attention to how you would feel if he didn't visit your family with you.

Is there a particular reason why he wants to go again now? How often would you usually visit his/your families?

firesidechat · 28/10/2013 21:51

You haven't really said why you don't want to go.

We've seen a lot of my sil and bil recently, but that's ok because I like them. I've seen far less of my own family, but will see them at Christmas.

Is it the whole going abroad thing? Would it be different if they were in the same country?

I quite often travel to see my parents without my husband because I can do there and back in a day. Perhaps you husband wants you to go with him because it's for a few days and he would prefer to be with you too.

I'm not saying that he's behaved well, but it is difficult to judge without the whole story.

travailtotravel · 28/10/2013 21:51

What blackmail, bemba?

That he won't come to your families for Xmas if you don't go to his parents? Surely that's just fair? Or are we missing some history here?

Original poster
Bemba · 28/10/2013 22:01

Yes it's the going abroad hassle when I have just been. I understand that he wants me to go with him and should be happy that he does want me, but I don't comprehend why he does not want to go on his own without making such a fuss .
Anyhow I suppose I will just go and be done with it.
Thanks for your advice everyone

OP posts:
cjel · 28/10/2013 22:12

well for goodness sake be happy about it and don't act like you think you've been blackmailedSmile

IsItMeOr · 28/10/2013 22:14

Have you been married long? It just sounds like you might be in the early few years...

You haven't said how long the journey is - if it's the other side of the world I could maybe see your point. If it's a short plane ride then I also don't like travelling much, but if you marry somebody whose family live abroad that's the package you've taken on.

Marriage is something that you do have to work at. It will mean learning to get over yourself sometimes and enjoy stuff.

Original poster
Bemba · 28/10/2013 22:15

Married25 years!

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 28/10/2013 22:17
Shock

And this is seriously the first time that this has come up?

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