Nervous Excitement…..

[ScottishMum83]

30yr old mother of one here. Me and H have a decent sex life, nothing to write home about but nothing to complain about either. I'm quite reserved in that department and don't even own a toy…..

We recently went on a night out with friends and the other wives talked openly about 'fantasies'. When I got home my H asked if I had any, which I don't really, so I asked him. He said he would like to watch me have sex with another man. I said I'd think about it, knowing I would say 'no'…

I have thought about it, a lot, and I'm not convinced I would say 'no'…I'd even say I'm a nervously excited at the thought.

Has anyone else's partners expressed similar and has anyone gone through with it? Could you, would you?

I can certainly see the appeal.

Dh and I have discussed possibility and how it could be a real turn on, however..... We then thought about afterwards and realised that it could very easily become a problem.

Dh realised that after the initial excitement of watching, he'd want yo know details, feelings, comparisons etc which could only lead to upset.

I totally agreed with what he said and we left it there. Just wasn't worth the risk to us.

I should also have mentioned, he said he would like the man to be non-white if you know what I mean...

Each to their own, but I can see that leading to problems in the future.

Very true…..cant help but feel a little excited, which isn't like me….

If anyone has done it, how has the aftermath been?

Prop a large mirror beside your bed

It's called cuckolding, Google at your peril...

Hi Scottishmum, the fantasy your hubby has is not as unusual as you might think. My wife and I tried this a few years ago and met up with one of those 'non-white' guys in a hotel room. It was supposed to be a one-off, but it was a very enjoyable experience for all concerned and we've done it several more times since then with other men. The only advice I'd give is to really discuss in depth to make sure you've considered all the aspects, play safe, and agree ground rules of what's acceptable. You're right to be nervously excited, my wife was too..

My and DP have bedroom talk about such things, I can say in absolute honesty whilst the thought of it is a turn on, I'd hate it in reality!

Some fantasies should stay fantasies, unless you are really up for an open relationship and all the issues that go with one.

non-white if you know what I mean...

Do you mean black?!

Oh my, oh my...

Fantasies are just that - fantasies. You should have tried a black guy before you married. Anyway, it is mostly a hype, if you know what I mean ;)

Fine as a fantasy but I wouldn't want to do it in real life, my sex life is between myself and my partner and nobody else, if I wanted to spice things up I wouldn't introduce cheating into the relationship cos effectively that is what you would be doing. If you're not satisfied with one partner, perhaps time to change him/her.

It was very much hype in my case.... Sigh

Are you the Sutcliffes from Gavin and Stacey? :)
(sorry, not helpful)

Its not cheating if both parties know about it and agree to it is it? Like cheating is something you do behind someones back. I like the idea of dh having sex wtih another woman. Unfortunately I would have to stab the pair of them to death afterwards so I think I will just keep it as a fantasy.

I had an ex who put it succinctly once "the idea of watching you have sex with someone else simultaneously seems sexy and makes me want to cry"

I think the idea may be very interesting/sexy but in reality it would be pretty horrible.

Why are we saying non-white 'if you know what I mean' and putting 'non-white' in inverted commas?

What am I missing? If you are fantasising about shagging a black guy why don't you just say so? Or is this some weird euphemism I am missing?

I think these things (whatever the colour of the bloke involved ) seem exciting in theory but will be seedy fraught with problems in practice, and ultimately it will end in tears.

It is probably something to do with the stereotype of black men having a big cock and thats what she means ?

sexual desires are each to their own but some can come back and bite you hard.

This is a particularly dangerous one becuase jealousy is a unpleasant emotion. I would recommend googling Dan Savage's column and having a reallly good read of the back columns, he outlines the etiquette of this kind of thing and the pitfalls.

My DW and I have been through the very same thing over the last year (although race didn't come into it)

Firstly, you have to be incredibly comfortable with your relationship.
Secondly, we were of the opinion that if we were going to 'do it' we would want to have some kind of relationship with the man first rather than just some random guy.

For my DW and I it was not a case of watching, it was more a threesome fantasy.

It worked well, was very exciting, we have done it a couple of times and are planning another liason.

However, I do have some advice that I won't go into in public so feel free to send me a personal message. (and no, it's not some kind of weird grooming, it's serious advice)

Just my point of view but I think it's fine to talk and fantasise ... The reality is VERY different... Stick with the excitement of talking about it for a while... It might lead up other fantasies... And not to re-enacting. Slowly see where it takes you.

Evening.

Many thanks to those who have been in touch about this thread. We're letting you know that we're going to be deleting it shortly as we're not convinced that it was started with honest intentions.

MNHQ