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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have you ever gone off a friend and just got tired of it all?

29 replies

Loopyloulu · 28/10/2013 12:13

I feel guilty about this but a really close friend has had a Burton-Taylor marriage for 25 years. Off/on and everything in between with drama all the way, years of counselling all to no avail it would seem.
I've been supportive, we've fallen out over my opinion v her opinion on what to do with it all etc, made up and all seemed fine. Then they've reached the point yet again where she's wondering what to do with him...
She has nothing else going on in her life- no work or children- so is very introspective. We don't live near enough to meet up and do fun stuff that often so when we do meet or chat then it's invariably updating on her marriage. I've got the the point now where I feel impatient with her the minute she starts talking and wonder if anyone else had found this and how you kept the friendship going?

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 28/10/2013 19:31

It's difficult when it's an old friend, and you think they will get it sorted out, but the truth is, even if she spilt from her husband she will find a similar relationship to replace it with...

Loopyloulu · 01/11/2013 17:56

I'm resurrecting this...and would appreciate some opinions.

I've been taking a step back for a while because I think she takes me for granted. I've cut back on the calls and tend to wait a day to return her calls rather than call back asap.

You see I think if the chips were really down for me, she'd step up to the plate but generally she is a bit all her, her, her and never seems to have time for me.

Take this week. We hadn't spoken for 2 weeks- last time was just before when she went on hols. I phoned- left a message.

About 3 days later she called me back but I didn't pick up because it was late in the evening - DH had been working late and we had lots of legal family paperwork to get through that evening.

So she left me a message.

I called back her yesterday - guess what- coat on and 'just going out' ( this happens 8 x out of 10). She's the least passive aggressive person I know so it's not an avoidance tactic.

She said she'd call back later but I told her that late evening was not a good time as DH and I were still ploughing through this paperwork and admitted that's why I hadn't answered the phone the other day.

So- she promised to call today during the day. And of course she hasn't.

If this was a one-off, fair enough but it's gone on for years and just feels offhand. When she does call she'll be full of apologies but the usual reason is she has put other friends and 'impromptu' meetings etc with them first.

How would you handle someone like this so they show a bit of respect?
Or am I over reacting?

OP posts:
cloudskitchen · 01/11/2013 21:34

I don't think you're overreacting. I think she finds time to talk when its about her. When she has nothing much to say about herself she doesn't see the importance of talking. I had a friend a bit like this. I distanced myself. I have plenty of friends that I have balanced relationships with and I didn't need one like this.

Loopyloulu · 03/11/2013 14:27

So- she didn't call on Friday but called today and said sorry but her phone didn't stop on Friday including talking to a friend for an hour, who called her and who she hadn't spoken to for ages. Hmm There are 24 hrs in my Fridays, but presumably not hers.

I couldn't talk to her when she called today because I have family here and am busy.

But where does that leave me? Am I just being a misery guts over this or would it annoy you to feel other friends are given priority?

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