We've been friends for 8 years but it's been very on and off as he will go AWOL for months and doesn't respond to a text, this is often when I am most in 'need' (eg crap at work, both pregnancies), although I'm not a needy person. If he doesn't respond then I will just leave it til he does but it can take months and he will always start with an apology and "I know you will think that I don't care but...", but during the AWOL time I really miss him. I always think I will never see him again.
Anyway this year he went AWOL again when I had just gone on mat leave. The baby came along and to put it mildly we had a spectacularly bad time with months in hospital, I really wanted to contact my friend but felt I should leave it to him rather than being the needy person (I suppose I am too proud). On my birthday I got a text, all apologies, and I mentioned we were in hospital and he came to see us - not many people did, we were far from home, so I was exceptionally grateful for this.
We talked about our friendship and he said he wanted to normalise it - because it was all a bit secret squirrel and he hadn't told his girlfriend that I existed for example. He said we'd talk on msn and be friends on Facebook and text and email more (it's difficult to see each other in person at the moment because of the baby and logistics). He said he would go home and tell his girlfriend all about me right now and I said Great!
That was 3 months ago and I've seen him twice more for lunch since then. He hasn't added me on Facebook, he's never on msn, no emails no texts. I asked him what had happened with his girlfriend and he said that he'd told her about me and she was very sympathetic of my situation but she'd seen a photo of me on his rolling screensaver thing and his kids had said 'daddy fancies her!' So now he doesn't want to add me on Facebook or anything in case she gets the wrong idea. This isn't normalising it is it. He doesn't fancy me by the way, and his girlfriend is stunning!
I've not heard from him now for over a month and I'm just fed up of always wondering what I've done wrong or if he's banned himself from ever having anything to do with me again or what.
When we are together we have a great time, we are very close and have a good laugh. But then he vanishes again and I don't get it.
Do you think I should give it up as a bad job? Because I can't alter how I am, I'd love to just roll with it and let him pick me up and drop me as he wants but I don't think it does me any good.
I would appreciate advice as it gets me down.