Getting over being dumped

[Stupidhead]

Struggling here. I've always been the dumper. We were together 3 yrs and he moved out 7 weeks ago, no kids together. My friends live away and have their own problems. One pal is so wrapped up in his own frequent relationship breakups that he's making me feel worse.

I'm dreading bumping into my ex with another woman, how do I deal with that? That's my worst fear and I know it'll happen sooner than later as he is so good looking. There was nobody else involved, he just couldn't do the 'family' thing.

I've given him all his stuff back, he has no ties with me but texts once a week 'hi, hope you're ok x' and I do see his mum for a drink once or twice a week - she's convinced he'll come back, he won't as he never changes his mind.

I haven't cried and begged since that night, I basically pushed words into his mouth 'you love me but aren't in love with me.' He's told everyone it's him and he can't fault me which is true! I'm a fucking awesome girlfriend! I'm also trying to focus on his bad points...

Help please! I thought I was over all this shit at 14 :(

He can't do the family thong? Not a keeper im afraisd. He might be good looking but you need someone who can do the family thing. It is tough and it hurts but one day you will be over him and will not even care if you see him with another girl.

I know you're right superstar, it's like what wasn't a problem and was a 'bonus' (his words) has flipped. My 16 yr old son wants to stay in touch with him as he was the best thing to a father figure he's had. I just hope ex will be happy with that.

OP I was in exactly this position 4 years ago. My DP of 3.5 years just walked out. No DCs - he just couldn't commit.

We went completely no contact - I held on strong to my dignity and refused to contact him, no begging him to take me back etc. Sounds like you've done well with that too - and this will help you feel good about yourself.

Seeing his Mum and hearing her say she thinks he'll come back is not helping you - it's keeping your hope alive and not allowing you to heal. Is there any way you can not see her for a while? Would she understand if you said you just needed some space from everyone for a while.

What I did, 2 weeks after my ex left, was book a holiday of a lifetime to somewhere Id always wanted to go but he had always refused. Best thing I ever did - I felt so empowered to be doing something for myself without him. I realise that might be difficult with your DS - but maybe you could do some days out with him that you've always wanted to do, start living for you and enjoying time with your DS without your exDP. Start reminding yourself of how great you are, and what an idiot he is to leave you behind.

But, crucially - don't do any of this to get back at him, or to show him what he's missing - it won't work and just keeps you emotionally invested in him. Do it for you, to heal yourself and your son.

You need time and space to heal. It does get better I promise. And hopefully by the time you see him with another girl, you won't give a shit because you've been having such a great time without him you've realised you're better off.

take care

You're an angel gladitsnotme! That's exactly what I need to hear. My depressive mate keeps bringing me down about how miserable I must be feeling when in actual doing a lot better than I thought!

We're watching things ex hated and eating stuff (when I can) he thought was too expensive! Like cereal...yeah! I need to remind myself of his little annoying crap.

His mum is lovely though and is hate to lose touch with her, I'm off for a haircut restyle and calling in just so she can see how fabulous I'm looking but it is for me. I can't dwell on maybes, I know it won't happen.

Thanks so much x

Ignore depressive mates :) Seven weeks means the break-up was practically yesterday. Of course things are raw still. I'm 18 years down the track, lots of water under the bridge, but made the cardinal error of looking at my exH's FB page (bored.. ... curiosity killed the cat.. old enough to know better) and felt momentarily pissed off all over again.

I bumped into my ex a few times after he'd left me.... want to know what he did.. he Ran away and hid!!! Seriously - I saw him pull up his hood and run away and hide in a different bar. Genius.

Now, if I'd been a screaming, begging banshee toward him, then I might have wondered if that was my fault. Given that I hadn't contacted him at all since the day he left, I knew it wasn't my fault and that he was just being a pathetic twat. It did hurt, I was utterly furious, but I can laugh about it now.

I see him now, and he doesn't look good. He still doesn't have a girlfriend, his pathological commitment phobia has seen to that. Whereas I'm happily settled with someone lovely. Karma wins in the end

Focus on all the things you've achieved - a day not crying, a few hours not thinking about him, a nice day out or enjoying expensive cereal . Revel in all the things you are doing that make you fabulous.

Enjoy your new hairstyle - but remember, it's not about showing his Mum so that she can tell him how fab you look. It's about making you feel good about yourself.

Do you have any mates you can go for a night out with?

I should add that my ex, and myself are over 30. Not teenagers. Which should put the running away and hiding into context a little more.

i.e. even more pathetic and ridiculous

get the Paul McKenna book,, I can mend your broken heart .

No Cog! That's not what I need to hear! I had my heart broken at 19,the only other guy who dumped me. Through curiosity I checked out his FB when I was 42 (before I met new ex) and didn't recognise the guy! He was the double of how I remembered his dad!

Thanks for the other messages, my hair is fabulous and I have a fringe that I'm rocking! His mam was great, told me how much of an idiot he is and how I can do so much better :)

Haven't cried since D-day, don't know if that's normal. Ive come close when people have been lovely to me but not actual painful sobbing, strange. And sadly I have no one for a night out! They were all 'his' friends, I'm in his town. Although my manageress has promised a night out soon :D x

A man who thought cereal was too expensive?! Were you both on very low incomes?

Stop seeing his mum. Have a look round for local groups (book group, walking group, am dram - anything you fancy) to get your mind focused on something else. Sounds like you're doing well.

My shifts clash with any clubs and they're random and not regular shifts which is a shame.

But yeah, he didn't like me getting my kids cereal as they ate it...hmmm...

Wouldn't mind but I paid for all the food and we weren't scrapping around for pennies

My lager bill has gone down a lot though...

A man who took food from your children's mouths to fund his lager habit [dramatic emoticon] He is beginning to seem less and less appealing!

Hahaha Hell!
Well it wasn't quite THAT bad but yes, I'll use that in my 'must hate him' voodoo list!