I'm so grateful that I have the opportunity to teach them the life lesson that you have to create your own happiness and not passively wait for it to happen.

[Aussiebean]

Said a friend of mine on her decision to end her 10 year marriage.

This was not an easy decision for her but her H had suffered depression and unemployment for a very long time and after years of promises she finally and sadly ended it.

The decision was made because she wanted her children to learn that they are in charge of their happiness and they shouldn't rely on others.

Her H now has a job (took him a week) and has just moved out.

I thought I would share this with all the women on this thread who are agonizing over the choice of whether to leave an unhappy marriage or not.

My friend say her children have astounded her with their maturity and understanding. They are both under 7.

I think that is a good message to model for your children and I find it inspiring too. I say that as the child of a marriage where I desperately wished they'd just divorce already and instead they obstinately remained tethered to each other.

Thanks for sharing this aussiebean - I understand why you did and I agree with your feelings about it. I don't really know what has happened to mumsnet lately. I wouldn't start a thread myself because there are far too many unpleasant and I think purposely undermining responses. I often ask myself if there has been a FFJ coup. Thanking you for sharing and backing away from mumsnet. ...

I get it. And it is great that she has put into words a very powerful positive in favour of divorce.

My personal feeling is that there is far, far too much pressure on women to explore "commitment, loyalty, perseverance, integrity, steadfastness and duty" all the way to the bitter end: which is often the realisation that these words have their dark side and end in a big pile of ash. For women mostly. And for the very simple reason that Cogito has given: "those are fine qualities but they have to be reciprocated to be of any value. If not reciprocated, they are demeaning."

Aussiebean I wish your friend well - and you, too.

I agree with kitty and the other positive responses.