alone but in a relationship

[onemoredayplease]

how did I get to this? live with my partner and my dd. have done for 6 years but still feel like a single parent. I have tried to give it time and don't expect him to replace her dad but I would like a little support. they still don't particularly get on- he feels she is spoilt, whilst she thinks he doesn't like her. if I ask him about this he then doesn't speak to me for days. as it is we no longer sleep together as he says I keep him awake. I'm lonely but in a relationship. pretty sad and I must admit im thinking of leaving. I can support us but worry that I'm looking for something which just isn't out there.

I wouldn't dream of staying in a relationship with someone who treated my child like that.

He treats you like shit too. Why are you hanging on?

I'm divorced too with a child. Who cares how many times you've been divorced, surely the thing in life is to make the best of it for yourself and your kids.

just put her to bed and she tells me that she wishes my partner was her dad

That doesn't mean she loves him like a dad. That doesn't mean you should stay with him. That means she feels rejected by her dad and step dad and she's smart enough to recognise that she doesn't have a proper dad :(

That makes me feel sad OP. What it sounds like to me is that she wishes your DP would treat her more like he treats his own DS; that if he was her Dad he would feel differently about her.

From what you have said your DP sounds like a selfish and insecure person. Why on earth is he not adult enough to be able to share his love with your daughter. In your shoes I would be thinking it's time to separate. He is not kind to you or her. Would you behave like that to his DS? I am pretty sure the answer is no way.

I think you are right anyfucker. I hadn't thought of it like that I had just heard the words and gone into a panic about whether we should stay or go. it all feels so sad but inevitable. I don't think I can stay. no I would never treat his son that way - and he would never allow me to. which says it all

I'm not AnyFucker :) I just loves her.

Her wish for a dad doesn't mean you should stay with him - he's worse than no dad because he's rejecting her and that is more damaging than anything.

don't think I know anyfucker although I probably need her straight talking now. I know you are right. this is more damaging. she needs a man around who loves her or no man at all. she is a lovely girl and I am so proud of her. this isn't right. his head is firmly in the sand though.

There are better partners out there. He is bringing you down and affecting your dd.

She only says about him being her dad because she doesn't know any better. He is her role model of how men behave in relationships. if you tolerate this relationship then you're saying to her that this is all ok. And it's definitely not ok to be so unhappy in a relationship or have that level of inequality between the children.

Be strong.

Bloke's a loser. You come with DD as a package - if he can't hack it, that's his issue. There are plenty of blokes out there (I was one, my wife's DD is 20 now - she was 8 when we met). I call my wife's DD my "Daughter on loan" because I'll never be her real father, but I'll be the next best thing.
He needs to shape up or ship out.
Oh - and this is my 3rd marriage too. Selfishness and infidelity isn't confined to blokes ;-)