Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex invited us out for a meal - feel awful now

65 replies

awakemysoull · 27/10/2013 16:56

I recently separated from my partner of 3 years because he was a massive twat.

I have dd1 from a previous relationship and we habe dd2 together.

we have been civil towards each other and he has been visiting the kids a couple of times a week.

I called him earlier today to ask if he would mind giving me and dcs a lift to the supermarket. dd2 has been in and out of hospital the past week with bronchiolitis (sp?) so I havent had a chance to get to the shops. He took the car when we split up so I rely on public transport now.

he said that he could take me tomorrow because he would like to take me and the dcs out for a meal tonight.

I said that would be great and he would pick us up at 6.

I have had several texts over the past half hour saying that he has called the all you can eat buffet in advance to warn them I was coming so they could put more food out, that I should go and buy some bigger clothes because I always look ridiculous and embarrass him, that I need to give him some petrol money because the heavier the car is, the more fuel it uses.

I feel so Blush and Sad now

ive lost a stone the past 2 weeks and start the Cambridge plan again on tuesday so the weight is coming off but I just feel awful now. im currently 5'8 and a size 20

I told him to fuck the fuck off so now ill have to go to the supermarket in the pouring rain on the bus to get stuff for tea.

I hate how even after we have split he can still make me feel so low and worthless

I thought I was doing well, obviously not.

any advice about future contact?

OP posts:
SweetSeraphim · 27/10/2013 16:58

What the fuck?

So he asked you out for a meal and now has sent you these texts being nasty?

CajaDeLaMemoria · 27/10/2013 16:59

Keep it civil, and on a need to know basis only.

I'd stop asking him for favours, too. I know it was for his kids, but he's clearly a twat who will take any opportunity to put you down.

Be glad you aren't with him anymore, and see the shopping in the rain as an independence exercise. If you can do that, you can do anything.

Oh, and next time he invites you out, tell him that you don't like to be seen with pond life in public.

DifferenceEngine · 27/10/2013 17:00

What a cunt.

Future contact?

Through a solicitor.

On the plus side he will end up alone and friendless, and so awful even his dog will hate him.

difficultpickle · 27/10/2013 17:00

If I were you I would feel Angry and also reassured that you have done the right thing in leaving him. What an absolute arse.

Is there no one else who could get some food for you so you don't have to take dd2 out in this weather?

Patchouli · 27/10/2013 17:00

Still a massive twat then.

Agnesboo · 27/10/2013 17:00

He's doing it because you lost the weight and are managing without him.

Ignore the texts but save any abusive ones and no matter how difficult anything is don't ask him for any more favours.

He has no authority to make you feel worthless I suspect he is trying to put a dampner on the amazing weightloss you have achieved.

Could you get a takeaway tonight to save you going out and do an online shop for tomorrow?

Hope your dd gets better soon.

SweetSeraphim · 27/10/2013 17:04

Is there any way you can make a meal out of what's in the cupboards without going out? It's vile outside.

You know, if I were you, I would rather eat my own toe than ask him for anything EVER AGAIN Angry

Reality · 27/10/2013 17:06

Oh he's a cunt. Don't feel sad or embarrassed, feel ANGRY.

Horrible inadequate little tosser.

RustyHalo · 27/10/2013 17:09

Well done for losing a stone!! Be proud of what you have achieved & don't let one foul person get you down.

Treat yourself to an online shop while the weather is bad - the bus fare is probably close to the delivery charge anyway.

aturtlenamedmack · 27/10/2013 17:09

Oh poor you. What an absolute wanker - you're well shot of him.
The reason he is trying to bring you down is because he can see that you're moving on and successfully losing weight and looking after yourself. Don't let him win.
He is trying to pull you down, don't allow him to.
Keep in mind that the words are coming from a deeply insecure, petty and jealous man.
Keep your chin up, keep doing what you're doing and always make sure that you have your head held high and a smile on your face when you see him.
As far as contact with him goes, make a firm arrangement that suits both of you (and your dc's) and stick to it.
Keep your contact at a minimum and don't rely on him for anything (inc. Lifts).
This might make life harder in the short term but much happier and easier for you in the long term.
What contact you do have with him, keep business like and to the point. Don't engage with him in any other way. Don't engage with the nastiness or pettiness and don't get into any rows with him. Water off a ducks back.
The best thing you can do is ignore him, keep your chin up and move on.
Good luck op and well done so far!

waltermittymissus · 27/10/2013 17:10

Stop asking for favours. Don't rely on him for anything.

Can you splash out on a taxi?

Is there anything you can make from what you have?

I won't even comment on the texts. He's an ex for damn good reason.

So glad you've left the bastard!

cjel · 27/10/2013 17:27

Ignore. Can you shop online and get it brought over?

Beheadedbutsurvived · 27/10/2013 17:30

No advice but just wanted to say you are well shot of that massive wanker, and well done on your weight loss.

Mapleissweet · 27/10/2013 17:36

Who has the right to talk to anyone like that. People who talk like that about others often have huge esteem issues. He is inadequate not you.
Well done for leaving him and working on yourself. Wow you survived and are doing brilliantly.
Good luck with the weight loss, you have done great so far. It is all for you.

MrTumblesKnickers · 27/10/2013 17:37

"He's doing it because you lost the weight and are managing without him."

Yep, this. What a sad little life he must lead.

Congrats on the weightloss, OP.

forumdonkey · 27/10/2013 17:39

Vile bastard Angry Dig in the back of the cupboards and freezer I'm sure you can make a meal out of what is there and sort the shopping tomorrow. Have you a stock cube and some veg? Make a soup and see if you can find Wine pour and congratulate yourself on loosing that 14 stone (twat of an ex)

WinkyWinkola · 27/10/2013 17:40

Oh my god. What an absolute vile toad of a man.

I would never ever ask anything of him again.

I can't think why you agreed to do anything social with him.

Never give him the opportunity to insult you again.

Is he foul to his dd too?

Poor you. Head up high and take good care of yourself. Do not give this creep an inch of your time again.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/10/2013 17:41

What a hideous beast he is

Order a nice takeaway for tonight and then online shopping from now on. Work towards the situation being that you rely in him for the bare minimum. That removes as much control as possible from him

JeanSeberg · 27/10/2013 17:41

Also stop letting him visit the kids at your house.

TheCrackFoxFucker · 27/10/2013 17:41

Well at least you know he is still massive twat!!

Can you maybe borrow some food from a next door neighbour and organise an internet shop instead.

Original poster
awakemysoull · 27/10/2013 17:42

See I don't think it is jealousy.

He is truthful - I am massive and I look awful but I think there must be some reason why it bothers him so much.

I literally have empty cupboards and an empty fridge and freezer. He took everything when he moved out because he 'paid for it'. He didn't but I wasn't arguing. I have only been buying what I need iyswim

I can't do anything anyway I've checked the bank and I have got nothing. Not a penny I have no idea what's come out Confused Blush

So now I have no food, no money and a hungry dd1.

This is a nightmare I have no idea what I'm going to do now Blush

OP posts:
Vivacia · 27/10/2013 17:43

Congratulations on the weight loss, I am full of admiration.

Whereabouts in the country are you? I want to give you a lift just to spite the nasty sod.

From now on it's factual, recorded communication only.

maras2 · 27/10/2013 17:43

What an absolute pig.I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has a new lady friend and is showing off in front of her.Complete childish little shit.You are so better off without him.

cjel · 27/10/2013 17:50

I dd 1 is His then tell him he has just deprived his daughter of food and she is hungry what is he going to do about it?
Also has he been at the money or have you just not kept track while you were at hospital?

cozietoesie · 27/10/2013 17:51

Does he have access to that bank account?

Swipe left for the next trending thread