Laptop smasher dumped, but it goes on

[sarahjaye]

I had my thread deleted for fear of him looking it up as he's very disparaging of MN despite claiming to be "a feminist".

Background, together for 7 years, fairly volatile relationship with faults on both sides, but one of ye olde 'we're so passionate' type of things going on. Have split and reconciled several times until he recently beat me up, I was hospitalised and threw him out. Whilst the police and ambulance service were with me, he came back and attempted to drive his car, was arrested for drink driving and has been banned for two years.

He's sleeping rough and and we are in text contact. I'm not so heartless that I can't check he's not dead. He's on anti depressants, 50mg a day and has been now referred for cardio and neuro tests.

I'm asking for advice on this. Should I contact his family and make sure they are aware of all this. If he dies, an almighty shitstorm will be laid at my door, even though he it ultimately responsible for his own well being. He is adamant I should not contact them, so I would be going against his wishes.

He's being a right bloody martyr about all this as well as being abusive on text, so I'm not in the most sympathetic of moods, but feeling that I shouldn't be so hard.

What are your thoughts?

yes, very important distinction there...

if you dont want him to go away, carry on getting involved with his safety and health...

if you do want him to go away, stop responding to his messages.

your choice x understand that he will want to carry on and will try to hook you back in....like the old i am going to die without you line.....which may change to you never loved me, poor me.....and then i'll get you if you dont do what i want.

but you choose. you can play with him if you want to, but you know what comes with him x

I wouldn't trust anything he says. Including about sleeping in the car.

If you keep any contact you are more likely to be dragged down again.

So, FGS, just let go of him and stop thinking about it.

I know exactly how you feel, my ex split my head open with my own shoe and I still worried where he would be sleeping, whether he had eaten etc. It is hard to let go of caring about someone.

Text his sister, tell her what happened and then turn off your phone and let her deal with him. I found that telling people about the abuse strengthened mt resolve not to have him back. Its easy to normalise what has been happening to you be becauae you have lived it so long, other people horror makes you realise just how bad it actually was.

He is probable kipping on a mates sofa and just laying it on thick for your sympathy. My ex also did the whole I'm on anti depressants, I have a condition thing, nothing ever came of it.