Friend yelling at DS, what would you do?

[Rojak]

Ok I need a good dose of MN common sense so I can see if I'm over- reacting / under-reacting.

DS (12) was with me and DD at friend's daughter's birthday party.

DS wasn't meant to go but had to bring him cos didn't want to leave him home alone.

At party, other kid, J (9), starts poking DS, generally low level annoying stuff. So DS, not an angel himself, starts winding J up eg. telling balloon guy, J wants a pink bunny etc etc

Now J then starts crying and I told DS off and to leave him alone and we get ready to leave.

J goes off to sit by himself and friend comes out to say goodbye, sees what's going on and proceeds to shout, angrily, losing it kind of shout at my DS and telling him off.

As we were getting into car anyway and it was her house, her party, I didn't say anything to her.

We left, I told DS he can't go around picking on younger kids and that friend had a right to be angry at him but I didn't necessarily agree witg the way she chosed to express her anger.

I have not texted or spoken to friend since and she hasn't either.

Her husband has texted to ask how we are.

Should I text her or wait?

She has huge anger issues - I have seen her fly off the handle with her husband and kids, and other people around her.

Earlier this week, I was beginning to think that I needed to put some distance between us as I could feel she was getting annoyed with me (but wasn't sure what about) - we play tennis together.

Am I over-reacting to think I could actually do with less drama of angry people in my life?

[BendyBusBuggy]

FatherJake, you say "If a 12 year old kid who hadn't been invited to a party was bullying my 9 year old kid, calling him names and asking for him to get a pink balloon just to wind him up I would be very annoyed."

OP has already said the boy wasn't the shouty friend's son.

Also, if it's ok to shout at other people's children, why was the shouty friend not annoyed with and shouted at the 9YO for provoking the 12YO?

[Unexpected]

If I was the party mum, I would be fed up with the whole lot of you! It's not clear what age your daughter is but it seems that she is old enough not to need you to stay normally at a party so first of all the party mum had an extra adult in her house whom she presumably felt she needed to chat to, offer a drink etc when she really wanted to be sorting out the party, then she discovers she has an extra, much older child in her house as well. Even if the 9 year old was winding your son up, it is difficult for the party mum to know exactly what is going on and even if she saw the whole thing, it is awkward for her to tell off one of the invited guests, particularly when you were there and your child is so much older. Why did you not intervene before party child started crying?

I don't think the mum was right to shout at your son but I can see why, in the hell that is a child's birthday party, it happened and I think there is fault on both sides. Did you apologise for bringing your 12 year old to the party?