Bored & lonely

[Jemster]

Another Saturday night of utter dullness. My dh & I have been having problems for the past year since dd was born. She is 18 months and adorable but full on hard work. Also have ds, 5.
We both work, are exhausted as dd still doesn't sleep well and we have some money problems which I worry more about than he does.
We are having counselling which is good and helping I think.

What really gets to me the most is our lack of closeness in terms of friendship. We used to have fun, make each other laugh, be nice to each other. Tonight we got kids to bed, ate tea, crashed on sofa with strictly & x factor. He was on his ipad all evening looking at football scores etc. I flicked between phone & tv. Bored, bored, bored. Just before 10.00pm he got up tidied kitchen and said I'm off to bed (taking ipad with him of course). I'm just so f*** bored and lonely.

People always say you need to make time for each other and get a babysitter etc but we don't have enough money to go out really. Also he never bloody suggests doing anything and basically does nothing to make me feel special.
I have suffered with depression which he doesn't understand, think he just thinks I'm a moody, miserable woman, which I know I can be.

I suppose I just want to know if all this is normal when you have small exhausting children. Can anyone else relate to this? I just feel so alone and sad that the person I loved & married seems so different now. Thanks.

I can relate but I'm recently separated. DC are 20 months and 7 months.
we were like this, only he was going out getting pissed every w/, he cheated blah blah.

suggest a sit down meal when the kids have gone to bed, a little music some candles and just a chance to chat.

I don't have kids so feel free to ignore but even just married couples can go through a phase like that. all I can say is communication is key.
You've explained the issues but have you said all that to your husband? Does he feel the same?
I agree you don't need to go out and spend money, you can arrange to do something special together when kids have gone to bed perhaps?

I can relate and again in process of separation. my advice is don't let it get that far without seriously addressing the issues. be kind to each other. have a gadget free evening- no I pad, phones etc. make time to laugh. talk about how you can make more time for each other. what you want from each other. not about parenting but about your relationship. good luck

Watching films together, find some box sets that you can borh get into and watch?

Thanks. I think the problem is that he doesn't see it to be a problem. He's not bothered by not chatting or having any fun. I think I am quite needy and definitely very emotional. Maybe I am taking it too personally? He is tired all the time and so wants to go to bed which I can understand in the week when we're working but when it's Saturday night and I'm sat here on my own I feel annoyed that he can't make any effort. Perhaps I am just too reliant on him and need to make more effort to do other things?

He may not see it as a problem but that doesn't change your wants and needs. It's a problem for you and if he can't see that, and at the very least, be prepared to address it, I'd suggest he's not right for you.

Another Saturday night how about you (plural) get changed, the tea becomes something a bit more lavish, the TV/ipads get switched off and see if you can have a grown-up conversation? If you can't afford to go out for a date, set up a date at home.

Agree that if he's just content to be a lump of lard, there's not much you can do. Then your choices get a bit more harsh, sadly.

Oh and definitely have a 'technology' off time. Me and Dp are guilty of this and can easily be sat next to each other on our phones (MN is so bloody addictive!) for ages, and before you know it its creeping up to midnight.

Start slowly maybe an hour or two, watch a comedy or listen to some music maybe? Our favourite is to listen to music do silly dances and reminisce about our clubbing days.