Do I owe an apology?

[Hope4thebest]

I'd appreciate some feedback. I hope I don't sound like an angst-ridden 14 yr old, I am heading to 40! Have changed a few details to hopefully obscure who I am.

A group of friends and I are due to go out. The initial organisation - so date and vague plan - were lead by S and I. A role I usually or she sometimes takes.

As the date was approaching I sent an email with suggested firmer details. I also suggested we book ahead. I offered to book anybody else's ticket along with mine if they confirmed the following morning. Others responded, S didn't. FYI it isn't a ticketed event where you need all the tickets booked at the same time in order to be together.

I was v busy on the day I booked the tickets and in an ideal world I would have chased her but I just grabbed the opp to call and book when I had the time. I had thought she might have booked hers and not had a chance to tell me, so I didn't book on the off change. I cannot afford to buy an un-needed non-refundable ticket.

Both she and I have young families, hers is bigger than mine so have little time.

I have the feeling from her tone & content of her texts that she is annoyed. She has booked her ticket.

As an aside - to help me try to improve my own stress I am trying to be less of a people pleaser although I wasn't aiming for people unpleaser!. The old me would have chased S until she responded even if it wasn't convenient for me to call later. The old me wants to jump in with a pre-emptive email and apologise.

However, I am not really sure I have done anything wrong, it was unfortunate she didn't see the email etc. I guess part of this might be me behaving differently that has caused a "reaction" from her...

So do I send a pre-emptive email (I hate this stuff in person) or do I just turn up confident in the fact I haven't done anything wrong etc?

TIA

You don't owe her an apology. I assume she's adult enough to buy her own tickets.

If you need to say sorry don't do it beforehand. Just be breezy about it if she brings it up but you did nothing wrong.

No you don't owe any apologies.

If she'd wanted you to book her ticket, she should have got back to you by the deadline.

She can't complain about not having done so.

Also, there is no problem - it's not as if she has to sit on the other side of the venue on her own, is it?

Just assume you've done nothing wrong and don't worry about it. Well done for not instantly trying to people please and please don't feel you've gone too far the other way, really you hven't, you've just been normal.

You sent an email, she didnt respond, you went ahead with booking tickets from those that confirmed in the timescale you requested.

I dont see anything that you have to apologise for.

However, if she is used to you running around after her then I foresee a slightly bumpy road ahead until she accepts the new "non doormat" you.

I'd apologise for causing confusion. People like to know friends think of their feelings, and saying a couple of essentially meaningless words can go a long way to make people feel better.

No I don't think you owe an apology. Is it possible that the people pleaser side of you is reading to much into her tone?

Shatner how on earth has she caused confusion?

"Please let me know by tomorrow morning if you would like me to book your ticket" is hardly confusing. The only issue here is that the friend clearly expected the OP to do all the hard work chasing up and when the OP didnt the friend got the hump at having to book her own ticket.

I rather think that if anyone owes anyone an apology it is the friend for being such a brat!

Too late now but I would've sent a text saying that I'd sent an email and could she reply that day

Forty but thats the point, the OP is sick of doing that and frankly, why should she have to?

She hasn't really done anything wrong, Bogeyface, but it's an easy solution to an inconsequential misunderstanding. I'm all for an easy life. Apologising for not understanding is a social norm, even if it is pointless and nonsensical.

I expect the friend will then also apologise for not understanding, and life will carry on as before.

You don't owe her an apology. You communicated clearly, she didn't respond. Just because someone is annoyed does not mean you are wrong. Becoming assertive means accepting that sometimes people will be unreasonably angry and letting them get on with it. Not everything is your responsibility or your fault when it goes wrong.
If you are changing the way you interact sometimes people might feel a bit confused because previously your role was to run around for everybody. In effect, they've taken advantage of that.

And, actually, you don't know for sure that she is annoyed, or that she's annoyed with you.

You're working on not being a people-pleaser. You're outside your comfort zone because you have deliberately chosen not to please but instead do exactly what you said you would do. There's no harm done, she won't have to sit on her own or anything, there was a deadline and you couldn't afford to take the risk of an extra ticket.

There you go, that's how you avoid being a people pleaser. It's making you feel uncomfortable but if you apologise you undo the hard work you've done so far. If she's hacked off with you, she can say so rather than be narky by text.

tripbot. Yes. It's bound to feel uncomfortable for you OP

Yes sorry Newt, I didn't see your post before posting mine, which basically says the same thing :)

Thanks all. Good to hear your feedback.

Am going to leave it and see how it is on the night.

As a few of you have said this is all v uncomfortable for me. Just need to practice more

Bogeyface - I can't see that it's much trouble just to send a quick text saying Re [event name] email - please reply today if you want a ticket' How long would that take? 20 seconds? but that's just what I'd do - doesn't make the op wrong and her 'friend' is being silly to get huffy about it.

Everybody else managed to get back to you, I presume? If I was in your friends position I'd be (a) apologising to you for not getting back to you in time, and (b) relieved that there were still tickets & I'd got one despite not replying promptly.If she's huffy about it, it says more about her than you. Maybe she'll pay more attention to your requests in future - lesson learned.