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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Never thought it would come to this.....

10 replies

Bloodyhell11 · 26/10/2013 02:22

DP and I have had a rough year. Close family bereavement(him), redundancy (me). We have a 5yr DD. I thought we were a strong couple, able to see through any ups and downs. He has had flu all week and says he hasn't slept since Sunday, I disagreed with him, I said I am up with our DD approx 4 times a night , (another issue!), and that he appeared to be snoring away when I was up.. He blew up at me and accused me of lying, as he says he has not slept.
He appeared very close to hitting me, I have never, I repeat never, had any man hit me. He knows that one hit and I would never give anyone a second chance. I would leave and take DD with me.
He apologised for losing his temper straight away.
Can we recover from this? He is usually a gentle person. Has the flu and lack of sleep affected him?

OP posts:
uptheanty · 26/10/2013 02:27

He may have appeared close to hitting you but he didnt and he never has and he apoligised straight away for losing his temper, right?

I think you'll be ok, he may be very stressed. I'm not making escuses for him but maybe he needs some support.

Original poster
Bloodyhell11 · 26/10/2013 02:31

Thank you, uptheanty. I'm feeling a bit unreasonable and you have helped with your advice. I think I will sleep on it and see what tomorrow brings.

OP posts:
uptheanty · 26/10/2013 02:33

Sleep well Thanks

Original poster
Bloodyhell11 · 26/10/2013 02:36

Thank you.

OP posts:
ColderThanAWitchsTitty · 26/10/2013 02:54

In what way did he seemed close to hitting you? Was he trying to physically intimidate you do think?

ettiketti · 26/10/2013 03:17

I think stress, and good that he's already apologised.

My DH was made redundant recently and I'm finding it hard to cope with the change in him. Stressful times without adding bereavement into it.

verysomething · 26/10/2013 03:45

I can't imagine how bad it would feel to think he might - even if it's unlikely- resort to violence. It sounds like you have both been through a really tough time recently and I hope that this is an aberrant act and not part of a pattern. Only you can say. But it is late on a Saturday so am hoping you both get some rest and things hopefully look better in the morning.

Original poster
Bloodyhell11 · 26/10/2013 09:07

We both managed to get some sleep and we have had a talk.
I explained that I was very, very close to taking our DD and leaving last night. He said he wouldn't blame me if I had left, as he said he was 100% in the wrong.
I hope that this is just a one off, I have never seen him like that before and hope I never will again.
Thank you all for your advice.

OP posts:
Spider7 · 26/10/2013 09:17

I have suffered from insomnia before, I know I have been awake for a long time at night sometimes it would seem I was awake all night. My partner assures me that I did get some sleep, more than I thought. To my body & mind though I had next to none. It it possible that as far as he is concerned he really has not had any sleep. He managed to hold onto his temper just as it was about to explode, that is very good. But talking is needed. Some way should be found to help relieve his stress.

uptheanty · 26/10/2013 10:22

How a marraige survives during the difficult times makes the rewards of the good times so much sweeter Grin

I'm glad you slept on it, events like this always seem eerier in the night and I'm glad he apoligised.

Be kind to each other & good luck. I'm sure things will start to look up.

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