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Original poster

Provision for adult children after divorce

13 replies

Alpacaslippers · 25/10/2013 23:34

I am considering divorce. I have one child in the final year of uni and one aged 19 planning higher education next year. In the eyes of the law they are adult, but they need a home base for holidays and if it is difficult to find employment. So many adult children these days need to stay in the parental home for longer. Is it reasonable that I should expect a larger share of the split to enable me to provide this?

Has anyone any experience of this?

OP posts:
gigglestar · 25/10/2013 23:42

really?! arches one brow I have a feeling your STBXH could use the very same argument. How about an equal split and you can each have one child staying with you when they need to? More fair.......

2rebecca · 26/10/2013 00:20

I agree that as you are both parents then you both can claim that yours is the "parental home" when you separate.

BOF · 26/10/2013 00:23

How amicable do you think it will be? Do you think you could get your STBXH to voluntarily agree to an arrangement? Mediation?

perfectstorm · 26/10/2013 00:43

I think you need to talk it through with your spouse and see what division you could agree. I don't, in all honesty, think wanting more than half the pot on those grounds sounds very fair, though you'd need to seek legal advice to know if it's possible. A share of the split is an awfully permanent solution to a short term problem. Perhaps one of you could agree to hold off on selling the house until they both graduate, so the other can live there - but a larger share? I don't think that sounds fair, sorry. I agree mediation to resolve this kind of issue might be handy. Help you see it from one another's point of view.

mumsforjustice · 26/10/2013 07:10

That's very unlikely although you might be able to not sell the house until the youngest goes to university. But 50: 50 is almost certainly to be the outcome.

professorgrommit · 26/10/2013 07:13

Btw do you work? I assume give age of children you are 40 or 50 but you will be expected to work and support yourself long term although you might get interim maintenance for typically 3 years to retrain if you have been long term satm.

allnewtaketwo · 26/10/2013 07:17

I fail to see how or why one adult should be expected to give assets to another adult to provide a home for anther adult. You are both parents of adult children (or soon will be). How each of you choose to provide for them is the choice of each of you, individually. He is under no obligation to fund your choice.

Original poster
Alpacaslippers · 26/10/2013 07:47

Thank you all for the replies. it is really good to hear another perspective. I am not at the stage of discussing it with him. We are leading separate lives in the same house and while not intolerable, it's not pleasant.

I am 55, so not much working time left ( hopefully!) and do a demanding job that I can't imagine continuing beyond 60, but do have a public service pension. OH has made little effort work wise and I have become the main breadwinner and apart from the joint house he has no assets. I guess I am being selfish in thinking that it's not fair - who said life would be!

I wanted the children to have a base that was a home where they could both live - I know, stay here then! I don't think OH would want to have them long-term anyway.

Yes, we will use mediation in due course, I am really mulling the options and wondering about long-term survival.

Thank you. It's great to have someone impartial to give a view.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 26/10/2013 07:50

Do you have assets other than the share in the house that you think he hasn't a claim on?

catsrus · 26/10/2013 08:35

In a similar (not quite exactly) situation we did a 50:50 split. I got the family home and he kept his pension and other assets. While he has chipped in to help one dc in HE they all live with me as 'home base'. Im doing what my patents did which is to say "I will feed and house you until you want / are able to leave and this will remain your home".

When they've worked they have chipped in, given me rent, bought food etc. when they've not been working I haven't expected that. I'm doing from my own resources what we would have done as a couple but the dcs and I are a happy family unit and I actively feel sorry for my ex because he is not watching this amazing transformation they are going through from selfish teenager to caring and capable adult.

I'm currently on my own in the family home as they are all away at Uni but come the holidays it will be a house full of them and their friends again. Who knows in this job and housing market when they will leave home permanently but we've talked about it and I've said I will try to keep the family home for 10 yrs post divorce - until the youngest is 26. Interestingly it's them who are trying to get me to think about downsizing / travelling and it's me not ready to do that.

allnewtaketwo · 26/10/2013 08:36

If he has little assets and you are the main breadwinner, isn't it likely he will claim a portion of your assets?

Giveatossagain · 26/10/2013 08:51

Absolutely no useful advice but I keep misreading the thread title as 'Prison' rather than 'Provison'.

Original poster
Alpacaslippers · 26/10/2013 18:34

Thanks again. Other assets? We have a little cash and I have a savings scheme that will pay a small amount when I'm 60 , but in the eyes of the law it's all half his anyway.

Catrus, thank you for sharing your story, this is exactly what I would like to create, but can't afford to buy him out of the family home.

OP posts:
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