Lack of interest in sex

[sh3llyf]

We have three children 3.5yr and under and since the birth of the last we have hardly had sex, we haven't had penetrative sex for a year. There are multiple reasons why we don't. The main ones for me are a) I had a prolapse that caused me some pain b) I got an implant 18ms ago and I'm only now getting the bleeding under control c) we're both tired a lot d) I have found that when we do have sex I can't relax and get 'in the zone'.

I've finally started getting a) and b) under control through physio etc but I am now pretty much scared to have sex in case I can't climax to the point where I have no desire to have sex.

My husband gave up trying ages ago so I feel it's all on me to initiate and a couple of times when I have he's knocked me back because he's tired. We've having sex so infrequently that it's a huge deal and there's too much pressure.

It's all a big mess but I know I have to do something about it. I am sure it won't help us to leave things as they are. Any thoughts?!

My thoughts are that lack of sex is only a problem if the people involved start to doubt that their partner loves them, if they get resentful or find unacceptable outlets for sexual energy. You've been through the mill medically, everyone sounds exhausted.... but do you still feel close to each other? Is there plenty of love and affection in the relationship?

I'd suggest that beyond that, you should take more advice on the prolapse and get the medical reassurance you need to overcome any fears. It's also pretty apparent that you need regular breaks from three babies. Find time to relax and be a couple. Good luck

Thanks for your reply. We're not as close as perhaps we were. There's less physical affection, I think it's mostly due to being busier. We're a good team in caring for the children and fairly intuitive in that but we don't communicate a lot when we're alone, we just veg! We do need more time together. It needs organising!

I'm happy that the prolapse is under control, it's a minor one. But I think my husband worries about it. My body has been under a lot of scrutiny in the last few years and I feel like I have few secrets. He's seen it all and I don't really know how to reassure him without giving him even more detail and totally removing any 'mystery' I have left.