What do you do when you start to feel like things aren't 'right', 'good' 'the way they should be'...

[JessePinkmansWitch]

I don't know what to call it TBH.

Following on from this thread a month or so ago. I'm left feeling like I can't trust him, I don't want to confide in him, almost can't stand the sight of him. I do love him, but I don't know if I want to be with him any more. He's gone to his brother's this weekend (my idea) who lives on the other side of the country. When we arranged it I started feeling really happy and getting excited at the thought of a weekend on my own (well with the kids anyway). He asked if I'd miss him and I said no, I'll be glad of the space.

I think if we didn't have kids I'd be wanting some space from him for a while. But, in reality it's just not possible to get that space (apart from the odd weekend) because he doesn't have anyone local he can stay with. I don't think I want to split up permanently, I don't want to throw away 18 years. But on the other hand, I'm finding myself resenting him more and more as the days go by now. I hate that he's put me in a position where I don't trust him. I'm checking his bloody FB and emails on a regular basis which I don't want to be doing.

I also feel like at some point I'm going to be made a fool of and he'll eventually end up cheating on me. Just feel so despondent about it all and I'm very distant from him and don't really want sex with him either. I keep thinking I'd be much happier alone, but then I know the reality would a lot different and more lonely.

What I really want is for someone to say, "Hey, this is what you should do".

OP.

Decide what your bottom line is. Has he crossed it or not?

What I get from your post is that you are massively unsure of what you actually feel or want. Time apart is the only way you can actually have enough space to find out.

Is there no way he could move out for 2 weeks? A month even? Just for you to have space and time without seeing him to try to settle on how you feel.

That's the thing, I think he has already crossed my bottom line. But I don't want to just end 18 years. I'm feeling very confused. He really doesn't have anywhere else to go, his only family is his brother who lives on the other side of the country. We can't afford for him to go and stay in a hotel.

It pisses me off even more that he's created a situation that's left me feeling like this.

But I don't want to just end 18 years

But do you want another 18 years of this?

The thing is nobody can tell you whether to separate or not. If they did it would be their bottom line and not yours. This is about you, not him, I think.

The tone of your posts sounds like you feel sorry for him and that's what's stopping you from acting.

Don't let finances make your decision. You will work that out if you don't live in the same place. He doesn't have to go to a hotel he could rent a room . Try to imagine your perfect life and work towards achieving it.xxx