I can't decide if this is me feeling spoilt and a bit snowed under, or if it's a real thing that needs fixing.
DH and I have been together for the best part of 20 years. I love him and he is a good person. I also find him incredibly frustrating. He's maddeningly logical at work but at home has an ability to completely ignore stark facts that makes me incandescent with rage after 20 years of it.
For the first ten years of the relationship, where we had no child and no mortgage (= no maintenance responsibilities etc) I think I essentially overlooked this side of him, either got around it or let it go. By now it has got to the stage where I feel so despondent about bringing things up with him that I pre-judge his reaction and feel worse when he behaves as I expect. So, for example, looking for a house: if our budget is £40K, and fees are £3k, he will look at houses worth £40k and just shrug when I mention the fees. If the boiler needs fixing, he will go and look at it and find extraordinary reasons for us not needing to fix it: "it was fixed last year" was a memorable one.
We moved about 8 years ago and since then he has made minimal attempts to make friends, either for himself or for our family. He is happy (he says) seeing his parents at weekends and vegging in the evenings. I do not want to spend a lot of time with his family. His mother has made signs that not only does she not really want to spend time with me, (e.g. leaving the room leaving my sentence hanging in the air) but has also stopped showing any interest in ds (10) and is visibly stressed by him and makes strange cryptic comments about him being gawky or weird.
I'm at the end of that particular tether, so we've stopped seeing them as much - naturally he completely ignores this bad feeling as it doesn't affect him - but it means I am stuck at home with him all weekend and every evening by default. Home just isn't an interesting place to be. All activity is tech-based or science based. DS I adore but I don't expect he and I to be companions at his age.
I go out and do my own thing with my friends and my hobbies and come back and we have little to talk about. I have this overwhelming feeling that things should be somehow different and that we are all missing out. I've never really voiced it before in this way and I'm slightly ashamed of myself for not being able to be more buoyant and get them going a bit more; at the same time i also think: oh god I need a holiday from my own family.