I am asking this question on behalf of a friend who is stressed out with her circumstances.
She separated from her husband on 20 years 18 months due to husbands alcoholism, emotional outbusts (ie anger, verbal abuse)
For that time she has been working full time, paying the mortgage and all bills and looking after three kids (17, 14, 8).
Her ex has a flat three miles away and took early retirement and in that period has spent the 30,000 redundancy on watches, brassware (!!) and not provided any money. He has been diagnosed as bi polar and then rediagnosed as having personality issues. He has the habit of getting up in afternoon and drinking and going to bed in early hours.
She has allowed limited contact with the two younger children (ie checking he is not drunk) but the two younger ones no longer want to see him.
However the main issue is the 17 year old. He over last 6 months has spent more and more time at Dads as he says "dad has no friends", "dad has no one to talk". her ex desparately want her back but its not going to happen.
her 17 year old has been missing school, staying at friends and not saying where over the last couple of months and when she has attempted to put boundaries in place:
ie Home by x on a school night, no drinking he has drifted more and more to staying at his dads who allows him to drink, allows him to smoke, does not ensure he goes to school, provides money for him to go drinking with friends.
There are times when son does get in touch to say he wants to come home as "dad is lying on kitchen floor drunk", "dad is saying he wants to end it".
I know this reads like an episode of jeremy Kyle but she is a professional, well educated woman and just wants the best for her son and is willing to pay for councilling (son will miss appts), willing to spend as much time with her son as necessary but it is all for nothing when the ex is a destructive influence and using emotional blackmail to ensure son stays with him. He is well educated himself but in last six years his mental health issues has got worse. He often will take all his drugs (not illegal ones but prescription ones for his health issues) in one go.
She does not know what she can do. She knows when i separated i found a lot of useful support and advice on this site.
Can she prevent a 17 year from being with his Dad (he is 18 in a months time).
She is seeing the traits in her son that she has heard her ex had at a similar age.
The evenings the son does end up back at hers it just takes a text from her ex to son saying "life is crap i need you here to talk to" and he goes back. The son is being played and the consequences could be very damaging.
Any advice will be welcome. feel free to PM if there are things you would like to keep private and away from others.
Thanks in advance.