Trying to be a friend to friends who's marriage is in trouble is hard work isn't it?

[jimijack]

Jeez, sigh.

Known this couple for 10 years or more. We see them 3 or 4 times a year due to work getting in the way for us all.

Anyway, the husband text me about 2 weeks ago with a long pouring out of his heart about the wife having a mid life crisis, talking about walking away from him and the 2 children. Feeling smothered, everyone wanting a piece of her...it went on and on.

I sympathized but didn't comment or offer advice or anything like that.
Was thinking about them yesterday so text him asking how things are. Again a long outpouring of heartbreak, things are no better.

I text her the other day about something totally unrelated, a quick question about something and got no reply. Very unlike her so I'm not sure if she knows he has been texting me and she is annoyed with me.

Nothing to be annoyed about, but uncomfortable at being dragged into something so personal and private.
It's so hard, none of my business, as I say I don't comment, hope they can sort it as they are a lovely couple with gorgeous kids.

Just venting about it I suppose. Sad too.

I'm sure the DW is very uncomfortable if she thinks that her DH has been spilling his guts about their private life to a friend. If you're female that can also add a little extra tension to that kind of situation. There's always more than one side to the story so very wise to keep out of it until they've decided what they are doing. Also wise not to hope they 'sort it' (stay together?) because you never know what's been going on behind closed doors. She may have very good reasons for leaving.

You are right, 2 sides to every story.
I couldn't live with him, surprised she does tbh.

It's just so upsetting.

When I was having a similar crisis in my marriage my XH made a point of telling most of my friends about his agony and trying to win them over to "his side". I think he couldn't bear to be thought ill of. It made some of them quite uncomfortable.
Your male friend clearly needs some support at the moment to deal with this but being that support will damage your relationship with his DW. Choose carefully whether you get involved. A blokey pint and a manly chat would be good for him.

Are you female OP?

Yes it's very hard. The one time it has happened to us, we ended up losing them as friends, probably because we didn't say much about it through not wanting to take sides (to be fair, neither did they, and the issue was mainly that she had slept with four other men we knew, so...).

DH and I have successfully navigated genuinely staying friends with both parties to a break-up. We've known them for more than 20 years - we both knew the bloke before we knew each other actually.

Break-up was horrid as he had an affair. I made my views on his behaviour known very clearly and stayed away for a while. But I am godmother to one of the DSs. Once things were calmer and she was in a better place - because she came first - we resumed contact, with her blessing. We now see the DC with both parents are provide a little continuity.

My ground rules were that I would never pass on information from one to the other and that I would never lie to either party. Fortunately, that's worked for us. But it was hard. And we are now four years on from the separation.

Yes I am female. Dh has been friends with our friend for about 30 years but has said he doesn't want to know about any of it.

There's no affairs going on, she is just fed up of her life by the sounds of things.