Imperfect

[noslimbody]

So do people really have perfect relationships?
Where they can discuss without the OH stomping off, or talking over their voice. Where they are compatible in areas such as child discipline, finances, and tv viewing/reading/pastimes
I think I live a life of crap, and am getting more and more depressed about it...

There is no universally perfect relationship, but you definitely can find the perfect one for you. And the perfect one will be a combination of experiences, many good but others not so good :)

I don't think anyone has a perfect relationship, but being ignored and disrespected for your views and opinions sounds really crap. DH and I have very different interests in many areas, but you can still be respectful of the other person. Sounds shit, OP

I think all relationships have their moments - good and bad.
When bad starts to be the only emotion you are feeling (eg, your "pmt" need to stave him/her over the head with a blunt object begins to last 3 out of 4 weeks...) it maybe time to look again......
I speak from experience!! LOL

I dont think any relationships start or stay perfect. Its all a balancing act of making sure that the issues that crop up are dealt with.

We find we have a wave of 'bad shit' and then a wave of 'good shit' and fortunately the good waves last way, way more than the bad.

Most things, I think, can be dealt with but its long term issues that are the real worry, things that would prevent a person living in harmony day to day. I think they are the most worrying.

Do you want to say more about your relationship? Sorry you are feeling so crap x

Compatibility in the areas you mention (I suppose other than finance!), don't matter half as much as yoi being (and feeling) disrespected.
Has it always been like that in your relationship?
Have you told him how rubbish it's making you feel?

The perfect relationship probably doesn't exist - there's always an element of compromise or disagreement - but the stuff you're describing shouldn't feature in a good friendship, let alone a long term relationship. Being talked over is rude & disrespectful. People who 'stomp off' are immature. etc.

Your expectations and standards are unreasonable, and if you don't want to live like that you don't have to.

are 'not' unreasonable... that should have said!

I was with a husband who I was scared to talk to about anything, big stuff and little stuff as I never knew how he would react. He would either be great and really supportive or would get in a strop and give me a really hard time. It got to the point where I couldn't live my life being scared to talk to what should've been the person I could tell anything to. There were other issues but for me that was the major one.

I'm now with a new partner, and we agreed right from the start we would always be open and honest with each other and it's wonderful. I'll admit at times I might struggle to tell him something as I'm still suffering the after effects of my marriage. But my new DP knows this, he knows when something is difficult for me to say and very gently will encourage me to say it. On these occasions I face away and he hugs me from behind and I've always managed to say what I need to and he's always been amazing.

Life really is too short to be with someone who doesn't respect you and who you feel you can't be yourself with.

Yeah me.
We'd hold hands in the supermarket, in the car, he wouldn't go to bed without me, he'd make me talk if I was down or had worries. We never argued, we loved the same music and films and were always laughing and joking. He was always open about his finances and email and texts even if I wasn't asking or interested. On a boys night out he'd miss me. He had to be open all the time and wanted to talk about feelings and life and find solutions. It was perfect.

He left me 6 weeks ago, gave me the final bombshell 5 days ago that it was definitely over and he'd never see me again.

Perfect is shit. Really.

I had it all and left because the only way my XH could maintain perfection was to project everything less than perfect onto me. Result - I felt like shit to maintain his ego. There is more to life than wealth and status.

Stupidhead - I'm really sorry.

I don't think any relationship can ever be perfect because no person is perfect. However, a willingness to listen and compromise while always treating the other with respect is a pretty fundamental ingredient. If you have that, all things can be negotiated IMO. Obviously if you are very similar in outlook on child-rearing, finances, values, attitudes, etc it makes for a lot less compromise, which might make it feel a lot easier, but you can be quite different in these areas and still work it out to everyone's satisfaction if you can communicate effectively. A few differences are vital I think to maintain the sense of autonomy between you, which is what IMO keeps up the passion.

noslimbody - I'm sorry you're having a hard time. What do you want to do about it?

I don't think the 'perfect' relationship exists.
My DW and I anre not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.
We argue, we say things to each other without thinking, we sometimes take advantage of each other, we are sometimes selfish.
BUT
We love and adore each other and both of us are always ready to compromise (even if DW is wrong. lol)
And that's the most important thing, compromise. Interests wise we are like chalk and cheese but somehow we work together.