Husband flirting with ex affair colleague : am I nuts???

[Cheryllou]

Ok don't normally do this but don't feel I can tell anyone who knows me. Three years ago my husband had an affair and moved out, saying he no longer loved me ( horrible). Over the next year he came and went as was generally really screwed up, he's not a bad man but like most of them selfish...

To cut a long story short we got back together moved house and are on the whole very happy great friends. BUT no sex, as he has no interest in me like that and won't talk about it. He's very good to me in other ways and when we talk about the affair he seems honest and regretful.

This morning I picked his phone up instead of mine - he works with her- and saw a message from her which of course I read ( not cool I know). There was nothing incriminating, just setting up meetings, just the tone of his talk to her was very jokey, familiar and even a bit flirty. I'm furious because, well, where to start. I only took him back because we had two very young girls and I couldn't bear for them not to have a proper family and I really wanted to make a proper go of it.

What do you think? I want to confront him as I'm feeling really bitter and want to know whats going on. I don't think he's having an affair but do think his relationship with her is inappropriate and disrespectful to me. Or am I overreacting and should say nothing like the filthy sneak I am?

I ant stand the thought of being single mum with no job and no cash and the effect on the girls but feel I'm being a real dummy here staying a marriage that's just mates while he flirts elsewhere.

Can't talk to friends or family as they hated him ast time and don't want all that raked up again...

Please help, I'm really struggling.

[KatieScarlett2833]

You need to take back your power and throw him out. Really.
By leaving the decision up to him you are effectively dancing to the Pick Me dance (see Chump Lady).
The only thing that motivates cheaters is loss.
And if that does not motivate him then you are on to a loser even if he hangs around giving you false hope in the meantime.

[Thisfuckerisaeuphemism]

Your going to fess up?

For snooping?

He had an affair, he told you he doesn't love you, he came back, won't sleep with you, won't cut ties with the ow, and you feel you've got to confess to reading his phone?

Oh op, this is sad reading. I wouldn't bother having a conversation - I would start researching life without him. Confide in your family and friends- I'm not surprised they hate him.

[mammadiggingdeep]

:(
You're worth more than this op. he won't have sex with you?? Really?! Who does he think he is?!

It would be bad enough in any marriage but one where you have him the privilege of trying again?

I'd tell him to jog on...and keep jogging.

[ToTheTeeth]

Move on. This isn't a relationship. You're both just trying to avoid the inconvenience and hurt that is divorce.

This is the downside of getting together young, it's very hard to make it last when you meet so psychologically under-developed. On the plus side you have two beautiful children. But don't fall into a dead friendship just for their sake.