My friend's husband has just walked out on her and their three dc's

[redrubyshoes]

Let me simplify this for her. THERE IS ANOTHER WOMAN

He 'needs' time to himself. Another woman
No you can't call me whenever you like. Another woman
I need to get a small flat and I will be so lonely and afraid. No you cannot have a key but you can hang curtains and make up the bed etc. Another woman.
I am away at work next weekend. Very boring. Not sure where I am staying. Another woman.
I am missing you and the kids. Late night call (whispered). Another woman.
There is a great woman at work I have made friends with. The other woman
YOU ARE SO DEMANDING! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? The other woman wants to go out/away for the weekend

Get the picture? My darling friend hasn't seen the light yet!

I have experienced the whole lot and seen it dozens of times on MN.

Am I wrong? Familiar pattern?

I will pick her up and hold her when the scales fall from her eyes.

All you can do redruby is be a friend to her. Listen to her, let her rant on, question the obvious, cry and hug her when she needs it.

Nobody can force her to believe what may be the inevitable but a good friend will be there for her.

I know, I was where she was in some ways and I am trying to work through it with the support of my true friends. All signs pointed to my H having OW but he wouldn't have done that to me, no never, he must be ill, don't tell me he's having an affair, I know him, he wouldn't do that - he did and he is with OW now.

There is ANOTHER WOMAN!,
Oddly the OW who wrecked our marriage has just inboxes me on Facebook!!

redrubyshoes - your friend is lucky to have you for support. You may alienate her if you push the 'ow' message - she will need time to accept the truth. Just be there for her - she'll no doubt be shedding a lot of tears before long. for you

Blimey ghostmummy...wtf did she say?

She's in the 'shock and denial' part of the grief process and I expect she realises there's someone else. But she'll be holding it together at the moment, not wanting to admit it's over and hoping he comes back to her and the kids. Late night whispered phone-calls will be feeding that hope and it's horribly cruel.

Bless her she must be in shock. The penny will drop soon enough You sound like a brill friend though.

Yep there is another woman. My friend stopped crying after about three hours......................she saw a credit card bill today for some hotel somewhere when he was 'at his mum's'. She is at the first stage of going through bills and the paper trail he has left.

Let the shit start flying now. He is ''unavailable' for comment.

What a shit. The sad thing is I can second guess each and every stage she will go through.

The sad thing is I can second guess each and every stage she will go through.

Which means you can anticipate when she needs a shoulder to cry on, a dart board with his face attached for target practice, chocolate, gin and eventually a revamped look for a self esteem boost.

He might be a shit, but at least she has a good friend she can turn to!

I really feel for her. Just be there for her, she will need it.

What would you like to happen now?

Could you print out helpful and practical links for your friend so it's there ready and available for when the penny finally drops and she realises she is going to have to split up with here partner? (stuff about housing, benefits, maintenance etc)

I bet you want to go and rip his bollocks off, I would to , however the most productive thing you can right now is start looking into and gathering all the information your friend needs to help her leave him and start again

Don not get overly involved with hating him, that will not help your friend

Andro

Ahh yes The 'Divorce Diet' very popular in California. I remember fitting into a size eight after three months of sheer hell and not eating!