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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How do I get him out?

45 replies

Sindarella · 23/10/2013 18:51

Very long story, i'll keep it as short as possible.

P is an alcoholic, 3 years ago he sought help and went on a detox program. Since then he has relapsed over an over.
He has worked on an off but never held a job for more than a few months at a time.
When he drinks he becomes an absolute idiot. There are too many things to mention, wetting the bed, saying awful things to me etc Never 'full on' violence, there have been pushes, getting in my face, threats. Throwing things at me while holding our baby, covering me in baby milk. That kind of thing.

I kicked him out last september, changed the locks, he was gone 6 weeks, then i found out i was pregnant and stupidly took him back.
I have told him to leave, i cant do it anymore, hes bad for me and worse for my children.

My problem is this, he has no job, money, friends or family. He has no where to go so wont leave off his own back. I cannot physically remove him, the police wont do anything as its a civil matter.
He doesnt leave the house, so i cant just lock him out.

How do i get him out? Any ideas?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sindarella · 23/10/2013 21:18

I miss AF. I know what she would have said, an she would have been right.

I have spoken to 101, they said that as there was no threat of violence at this moment it is a civil matter, they finished by letting me know that they are too busy sorting out crimes to be sending people out to sort civil relationship problems. I put the phone down feeling like a twat.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 23/10/2013 21:21

The domestic violence unit said that??

Vivacia · 23/10/2013 21:21

What's AF?

AnyFuckerForSindarella · 23/10/2013 21:30

I dont think it was that department, ot was just the man that answered the phone. Maybe if i went into my local station i might get more help? I think its different if you talk in person.

AF is a MNr who has been banned, anyfucker.

LineRunner · 23/10/2013 21:34

AF is AnyFucker. She posts a lot very helpfully on Relationships but sadly she isn't here tonight.

I join with Vivacia in finding the police's response almost unbelievable.

Please ask to be put through to the domestic violence unit (ring tomorrow morning if necessary). Tell them ALL the awful things he has been doing - pretty much what you have said to us on here. Please.

And/or ring Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 for advice and support.

When you feel stronger, please complain about the 101 response.

GreenVelvet · 23/10/2013 21:38

Hi OP, whatever you do I think you need help with this. With a young baby and such an emotionally volatile P, I think you should not do this alone, but with proper support.

Keep going, Women's Aid, the police, and so forth. It sounds a truly horrible way to live and you sound imprisoned and frightened. Try Women's Aid again. Don't give up.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 23/10/2013 21:39

I am sorry you got such a poor reply on the phone. Well done for having the courage to call. Shame about their handling.

It is not right. It is madness. Do report the violence against objects, removal of your phone and imprisonment.

Could you ask your family to help remove him?

Vivacia · 23/10/2013 21:41

Oh right, I think that poster's name does ring a bell (I'm not very good at 'recognising' posters).

So you didn't get that response from the relevant department? Why don't you try again tonight?

onefewernow · 23/10/2013 21:43

AF has been banned??????
Eh?

onefewernow · 23/10/2013 21:44

Oh, and by all means get him carried out.

LineRunner · 23/10/2013 21:48

And ring 999 if you feel threatened or intimidated. Sod 101.

AnyFuckerForSindarella · 23/10/2013 21:51

I will, its taken a while to get to this point, he'd sweet talk me an be so nice for a week i'd give in.

Since having ds2 i seem to have changed, i feel more of a fuck him attitude, an the more i think of the things hes done the more determined i am to get rid.

I used to think womensaid was for abused women, the last straw kind of thing. Then i write down things he's done, an i see that that is me.
I feel so much stronger this time round, he's going no matter what it takes.

LineRunner · 23/10/2013 21:57

Good for you. You can be strong and keep coming back here for help.

HopeClearwater · 23/10/2013 22:03

I have been in a very similar situation. Lock him out. The minute he starts banging the door down, you call the police. That is a crime. My dp bashed the door in and appeared in court for it. I don't know what the sentence was but if he's done it again it would have been more serious. It was the beginning of him getting sober. I'm not saying it will be the same for you. Anyway, the police DV unit got involved and were very helpful. Good luck. You can do it.

HopeClearwater · 23/10/2013 22:04

And I meant 999 not 101. They will come.

PedanticFuckerina · 24/10/2013 13:43

Anyfucker is here in spirit - I see her shining through in your posts, AFfSinderella. And we'll get her back in reality soon, I hope.

How's it going today? Any progress?

LineRunner · 24/10/2013 15:51

I hope you are ok, OP.

ferretyfeet · 24/10/2013 18:13

take all the advice and help you can to get rid of this appalling idiot,I wish you and your family all the best for the future

Jux · 24/10/2013 19:27

Is there no solicitor near you who will give a free half hour consultation?

petalsandstars · 24/10/2013 19:42

Ring the police again and telk them there is a history of domestic violence from him, that you have ended the relationship and he is refusing to leave. Tell them you are scared he will be violent towards you and that last time he took your phone away so you could not call for help.

If the person on the phone still does not accept that they need to send someone out then ask to speak to their supervisor or the sergeant for your area.

Don't be fobbed off - if you tell everything you have posted here and that you are scared for yourself and your children they will have to send someone out.

Refuse to take no for an answer.

And if after supervisor or sergeant you are still not getting anywhere then ask for the domestic violence team.

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