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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I feel soooooo embarrassed and stupid!!

52 replies

ggg123 · 23/10/2013 11:47

I have done something I feel that is sooooo embarrassing. I am a 36 year old newly divorced mum who doesnt go out that often but the last time I did I kissed a guy 10 years younger than me whilst in the pub and outside waiting for the taxi, I feel so embarrassed with myself, its what teenagers do isnt it? Anyway I put it behind me as a mistake, told myself to grow up. Anyway a guy I like alot, alot alot has become single. Hes very polite, sensible, lovely, caring, all the things I would like in a man. Seen him out a few times (soba) anyway I spot him on a dating site Im on so I mail him. He mails me back and mentions he seen me out with a guy a few weeks back and described the guy Im with. Oh god how embarrassing. I feel soooooo stupid!! I guess I need some support from here cos its made me actually deactivate my account. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
ggg123 · 23/10/2013 18:14

Im ready, Im just not good at internet dating. Naturally is far easier :)

OP posts:
Piffalato · 23/10/2013 18:32

I meant more what you said about you 'never want to get hurt again'. If you don't feel you could cope with being hurt, then it doesn't sound to me like you're ready to start dating, since there's always that possibility.

Obviously I'm just a stranger on the internet though and could be totally wrong.

DelGirl · 23/10/2013 18:38

Just a thought, if you've deactivated it is possible that he can't reply to your email?!

emye · 23/10/2013 18:42

well he isn't the only guy...and so what if you were seen with someone else...why wouldn't you be? maybe he is insecure and not sure if you would like him?

RalphGnu · 23/10/2013 18:46

Mate, that's nothing. When I was 19, the guy I fancied like mad spotted me snogging my friend's dad. Blush

GilmoursPillow · 23/10/2013 18:49

RalphGnu Grin

Sorry....

lurkinglorna · 23/10/2013 18:51

It's utterly passive aggressive and weird to have pointed that out IMO Hmm

There's a standard etiquette in the land of online dating, where one assumes the other is possibly considering other options and "doesn't mention it until you're seriously considering going steady". Looks like you dodged a bullet OP, he was probably a drama addict or had passive aggressive whiny tendencies.

Original poster
ggg123 · 23/10/2013 19:01

I deactivated today, mailed him yesterday and he hadnt replied, I know that seems a bit like oh god give him chance but he had logged in a few times. Its like I had to take myself away from the situation, anybody else rejecting would be disappointing but this guy I just cant.
Oh nooooo ha that made me giggle though Ralph :)
Im not with you lurk?? I dont understand?

OP posts:
lurkinglorna · 23/10/2013 19:13

I think it was very intrusive to mention seeing you with someone a few WEEKS ago? Hmm

In the OD process, its normal for people, male AND female, to have a few contacts, maybe go on a few dates? You only discuss it if you meet someone and you confirm there's a mutual attraction, you both want to be serious.

The guy sounds like he has difficulties with social boundaries if he's trying to work out who else you've been seeing before you've even been on a date or met up!

lurkinglorna · 23/10/2013 19:22

PS on OD if a guy is messaging and saying "he's jealous of you chatting to other guys" before you've even started dating face to face/a relationship, its not because he likes you very much, it's because he's a bit weird and wants to build some drama/fantasy relationship

Original poster
ggg123 · 23/10/2013 19:49

No he just said I saw you the other week with a guy I had massive hair envy of. He wasnt jealous or anything just stating he had seen me :)

OP posts:
LineRunner · 23/10/2013 19:53

I think my reply to that would have been, "Yes, it was wonderful hair, wasn't it? Unfortunately that date didn't work out for me, but we live and learn! So, anyway, how are you? Would you like to go for a coffee or drink some time to catch up?"

Or something like that Smile

Original poster
ggg123 · 23/10/2013 21:09

I did reply saying oh haha yes that was James, his hair is cool isnt it, I have hair envy too. I asked him if he fancied meeting for coffee but he didnt get beck to me. Im too late anyway Im better off not knowing if he was ever gonna reply. Thankyou :) I love mumsnet :)

OP posts:
LineRunner · 23/10/2013 21:15

You needed to spell out the 'No, I am not with that wild-haired young man' thing. Grin

Good luck anyway. It does all get better and easier!

SnoozyAQ · 23/10/2013 21:19

Don't give yourself a hard time when I turned 30 after my divorce I did a similar thing

Boardingblues · 23/10/2013 21:39

Save this thread and read it again in a years time. You will chuckle. Chillax. When you see the object of your desires next, ask him if he would like to go to the pub. Coffee is too platonic, after all, you took the young one with the wild hair to the pub! You cougar you!

Original poster
ggg123 · 23/10/2013 21:53

Thankyou all so much :) Its been so hard but Iv been getting better and better at being on my own and now this has knocked me, but feel better now Iv been on here today :)
He doesnt really drink haha, so thats why I said coffee :) hes super fit as in healthy healthy. Maybe thats why Im a size 14 and loooove wine :)

OP posts:
LineRunner · 23/10/2013 21:55

I'd stick with the wild-haired toy boys. Way more fun. Smile

InTuaNua · 23/10/2013 21:58

Could you find him via Facebook?

The very least you should do is explain what's happened. It all "appears" bad, but in your opinion. The reality is that it's not bad at all. In fact, a great way to strike off a fun conversation. Although I'd avoid mentioning you posted on here.

Seriously. Nothing to lose. Go for it.

And if he's daft and rejects you for whatever reason, at least you'll know; rather than having it continually nagging you if you'd done nothing.

Original poster
ggg123 · 23/10/2013 22:08

Hes not on facebook otherwise I probably would message on there. Hes on twitter but thats different. I will feel like a stalker if I follow him, he may not even notice as he has alot of followers. I kinda wish I hadnt deleted but I panicked and I know I will stalk him ha. Im thinking Im gonna get myself super fit and maybe go back on in a few months when Im more confident and I may get a few more messages on there haha :)

OP posts:
InTuaNua · 23/10/2013 22:28

Your superfit plan sounds like a rather excellent one to me.

You go for it :)

But I would still twitter him and ask him. As a bloke I'd be a bit irked if I fancied someone, and missed the opportunity, because I misinterpreted a situation.

Just my tuppence worth. And do the 'superfit' plan too. You'll look and feel a million bucks.

Original poster
ggg123 · 23/10/2013 22:43

Thanks InTuaNua :) I should of stayed on there as Im analysing it from every angle and didnt give it chance but its done now and this way I can not see him and yes get super fit :)
You cant mail on twitter if they dont follow you back. I would be worried about feeling like a stalker if I follow him

OP posts:
InTuaNua · 23/10/2013 22:49

It's pretty easy to get peoples email addresses these days. There's so much personal info on the web; it's just a matter of matching parts of profiles from here, there and everywhere.

But only you know, deep down, if he's really worth 'chasing'; or putting your focus into the SuperFit plan :)

Original poster
ggg123 · 23/10/2013 22:58

Oh I couldnt do that, I would def be a stalker :) Saying that if he chased me that way I would be quite impressed. Theres a good film hes just not into you, I should follow the rules. If a guy wants to date you he will make it happen :)

OP posts:
DaleyBump · 23/10/2013 23:03

I farted really, really loudly when I sat up off the bed thing after getting an ultrasound done today. I was also woken at 5 to 7 by a midwife to take my tablets and was practically stuck to my pillow with slevers.

That was embarrassing. What is not embarrassing is kissing a guy 10 years younger than you. Good for you, best of luck for the superfit plan :)