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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stay or go?

1 reply

creativevoid · 23/10/2013 09:33

I posted a few weeks back about my verbally and emotionally abusive husband, and whether people had experience of change for the better. I spent some time reflecting, took on board some of the advice here, and decided (mostly) to leave. I work ft, husband is sahd, and we have 2 ds 3 and 5. Ds, who had been remorseful and repentant, went nuts when i said I couldn't take it anymore. He is back to his angry and controlling ways, accusing me of leaving the family, destroying our sons' lives, etc. I have stopped engaging which at least keeps the screaming down. I am just torn. My head says I need to leave but the thought of only seeing my boys half time at best and less at worst is destroying me. Last night dh told me our 3 year old was screaming and crying at nursery for 45 minutes - very unlike him. The kids are upset and unsettled and the atmosphere at home is terrible. I am wondering whether to try counselling (together and separate for each of us) to try to work things out. I feel like it won't work and like I'm being further manipulated but I can't bear the thought of hurting or losing my children. I need advice please.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/10/2013 09:43

If anything's upsetting your DCs it's being trapped in a household watching one verbally and emotionally abusive parent going nuts & pulling the other parent to bits. Even very small children feel protective but they'll be very torn because they're programmed to love you both. Joint counselling is not advised where there is abuse for many good reasons. Individual counselling OTOH is. If you'd really like to end this then have the courage of your convictions. Right now you're being abused and your children are upset... whatever you decide, it doesn't get worse than that.

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