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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this normal?....

18 replies

ninjini · 22/10/2013 21:27

So last night I woke up to find that my DP was masturbating whilst next to me in bed. I pretended to still be asleep but rolled over as to disturb him. He stopped, but after a few minutes, carried on with his deed as he was sure I was fast asleep. Now, we talk quite openly about sex and masturbation and I'm well aware he does it when I'm not at home and it doesn't bother me - but this I'm finding weird! Why didn't he just go knock one out in the bathroom? Why didn't he wake me and try it on?
I don't want to ask him as I think he will be embarrassed, so I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this??

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/10/2013 21:32

He thought you were asleep and presumably he was comfortable where he was... If you'd wanted him to stop, why pretend you were still asleep? If you talk openly about sex, why keep quiet?

LEMisdisappointed · 22/10/2013 21:34

maybe it was cold in the bathroom?

I have experience of this - because I do it. If i am having trouble sleeping i sometimes have panic attacks, if i masturbate it relaxes me and im able to sleep. Now im not suggesting your DP is having panic attacks, but maybe he just wants to relax himself. I have a great sex life but during these times the last thing i want to do is have sex. If dp wakes up he is allowed to fiddle with my breasts, he'll have to wait til morning for his!

humphryscorner · 22/10/2013 21:35

Maybe he was just really horny and couldn't be arsed going through the whole shamole?

I've done it in the bath while he was down stairs especially when I was pregnant. I was rampant!

I wouldn't take it personally and I don't think he is a weirdo. Just lazy.

BelaLugosisShed · 22/10/2013 21:36

Sounds perfectly normal to me.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 22/10/2013 21:38

perhaps he was comfortable where he was. It's hardly abnormal a man masterbating is it or indeed a women. xxx

WhoNickedMyName · 22/10/2013 21:38

Why didn't you just let him know you were awake and up for some sleepy sex then?

Original poster

ninjini · 22/10/2013 21:40

Point taken, I'll stop dwelling on it - I have done it purely to help me sleep before but not when he's been here I would always just get what I needed from him but yeah I guess he couldn't be arsed with the whole warm up thing

OP posts:

Malemum · 22/10/2013 21:45

The only weird part is avoiding talking about it, nothing wrong with masturbation, solo or otherwise but everyone gets horny at abnormal periods & satisfying a need has to be met.

Why not ask if you can assist, the worst he can say is no.

Donatoni · 23/10/2013 02:46

Masturbate in bed? Crikey! I'd be far too embarrassed even to try. My DW would be disgusted and would find it intolerable lying beside me doing that and making the bed vibrate. And as for semen going on the bedclothes, it would revolt and sicken her. She couldn't suffer it and would never allow me to do this anywhere near her! Not at any time of the day.
Sex doesn't even exist in this house. I get nothing except the chance to wank in an empty house. That's the way it is here. Bloody awful. And actually, there is NO good solution to it in my case. Definitely not.

Sorry OP - honestly not meaning to derail your thread. Just having a pointless moan because I'm depressed about my bloody sexless life.

bragmatic · 23/10/2013 07:48

I thought everyone did it, at least occasionally.

Anniegetyourgun · 23/10/2013 10:21

Well hopefully he didn't wake you and try it on because he's too considerate to disturb your sleep.

redshifter · 23/10/2013 10:59

I think it's quite normal. You should have held him and kissed him and told him to carry on. Or given him a hand.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/10/2013 11:07

Oh dear Donatoni I think you need to start your own thread.
There's many things you can do about it!
Start a thread and tell us your story so we can maybe help and support you and get things to the way they should be!

And OP - yes this is totally normal. If I wanted to have a go in the middle of the night I wouldn't want to have to get out of bed and go the bathroom.

HotCrossPun · 23/10/2013 11:12

If he had been doing anything to you while you were asleep that would totally out of order and not normal.

As it is, having a quiet wank while trying not to disturb your OH is fine IMO. You should speak to him about it if its something that concerns you though.

Lweji · 23/10/2013 11:17

Personally, I'd have been more annoyed if he woke me up. My sleep is very important. And not too impressed that I had been awaken by his masturbation either.

If you preferred to join him, maybe you should have let him know you were awake. :)

InTuaNua · 23/10/2013 22:34

You could have given him a hand. Literally speaking of course.

twoboysundertwo · 23/10/2013 22:44

mines done it before- I played the sleep card. let him crack on or accidentally place you hand on him

thirdtimemum · 28/10/2013 13:18

Well everyone thinks differently. Personally have felt pretty useless as a lover and a wife when I know my husband has been doing this. Makes me feel angry and left out. Sometimes I think you can become to rely on yourself for this and not share the experience with your partner and then you begin to drift apart. Hell of a subject to discuss though!!!!

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