Why does Ex-H manage to make me feel like this?

[MatchsticksForMyEyes]

My divorce is almost through. I will have my settlement within 2 weeks.
I'm now looking for houses, things are on the up for me and the dc.
Ex-H, who was emotionally, financially and very occasionally physically abusive, is in dire straits after losing protected earnings at work. He says he will probably have to sell the house (there is 90k equity in it) and that he has nothing to live on.
I know logically that he has brought this on himself because of how he treated me, but I feel panicky now and almost guilty that I'm doing okay and his future is bleak. I worry that if he sells the house he will move to a different town, whereas now we live in the same town, so he can take an active role in the dc's lives.

His future is not bleak. If he has to sell the house he will have £90k which together with his current salary will be enough to buy a small place to live. Don't take any notice of him winging. I'd love to have £90k to spend!

Living in another town doesn't mean he can't take an active role in the dc's lives. If he drives or there is good public transport then whats stopping him doing that

Just out of interest, what are "protected earnings"?

His job has changed from them doing on-call to a shift system, which meant a reduction in salary. They were given a few months' protected earnings before the reduction in salary came into effect.
He's making me feel like I'm taking away everything he's built up, but after 8yrs of worrying about things like him going ballistic if we'd run out of bread, or calling me a fucking cunt if I didn't look overjoyed that he'd interrupted whatever I was doing to help him with something, I'd had enough.

Matchstick you feel sorry for him because you are a decent person and for a long time his life was intertwined with yours.

This is no longer the case, put it to the back of your mind and get yourself and your kids into a lovely house.

sometimes you do get Karma and sometimes it can be a bitch.

He has lost control over you and is desperately trying to regain it.

Ignore and detach. Do NOT feel guilty or sorry for him. That way madness lies!

Ex-H, who was emotionally, financially and very occasionally physically abusive .....
^
..... and if you'd stayed and continued to suffer this, would your future not have been bleak? And that would have been something that you had not brought on yourself!

Wishing you the best of a new life

I know, I didn't want that to be my life or for the dc to think it was normal. He will never take responsibility for this. I suppose I spent so long trying to keep him happy at the expense of my own happiness, that it's hard to stop caring.

He'll never feel anything other than hard done by because a huge part of his MO in life is making other people (namely you) responsible for any misfortunes that befall him. If he was capable of viewing his current situation objectively, he wouldn't have been the man capable of calling you a fucking cunt.

If he moves away and has less involvement with the DC, that's his choice, not your fault.

Good luck for the rest of your life.

You are worrying about him because that's how he's conditioned you to behave.

Think about yourself and your children, and ignore the twunt, I'm sure most of us would somehow manage to find somewhere to live with 90k equity

What glistens said! You are conditioned to care.
Match I'm at exactly the same point and our family home is being sold too. XH earns a fortune but cuts mean he may lose a few tens of thousands off his salary and I, evil grasping Ex wife, have taken a third of his pension. Woe is him? How will he manage as a single parent!!
Except the kids have left home and we jointly support them. He is deluded and convinced I am to blame for everything. I have to consciously shrug off the feeling when I am sorry for him. And so will you. Hold hands and run through the last dark tunnel to freedom!!!