How do I have a word with myself

[Immenowithink]

Don't know where to begin really. .. divorced 3 years or so, possibly abusive, crap childhood, never known a family dynamic, always been brought up that women are the ones who keep families together no matter the cost OR go your own way and be a spinster (hate that word) all your life and either hate men or open your legs at the mere sight of them!
I'm a lot wiser now since throwing out my cheating ex husband (at least 4 times I know of ) I'm still cussing myself having been so stupid forgiving him but also appreciate I've got a new life and if it's so much better than before.
What I can't get that even giving myself time to recover I still cannot be bothered putting anything into dating. .. either that or I do start seeing someone and then I sabotage it... is as though is a self full filling prophecy that I need to be alone... has anyone else experienced this? If so how the hell can I shake myself out of it?

Sounds like you need counselling. Google to see what's available in your area. I wouldn't presume to tell you what's wrong with you, but I bet your abusive relationship is at the root of it.

I'm not surprised if, having had your experience of relationships soured by an abusive, cheating man, you're not exactly enthusiastic about making yourself vulnerable again. I'd call that a normal survival response... not something you need to shake yourself out of. I'd also question what you mean by 'sabotage'... do you find yourself testing new boyfriends by being unpleasant with them? Something else? Individual counselling may help you understand and appreciate yourself more. In the meantime, I'd leave dating to one side. Three years is not a long period of time when getting over a bad experience.

Thanks for the replies.

In regards to sabotaging no it's not really testing, it's more like I can only be with them for a short while say a couple of hours and then start getting edgy and wanting to leave or wanting them to leave. Just feel as though I'll be alone forever.

I think that's normal. Once you're used to having bags of personal space, other people demanding your time can feel oppressive. Question however... do you feel the same way about female friends? Do you make excuses and leave? If not then chances are you simply haven't found the person who is worth spending time with. Doesn't mean you'll be alone forever.