What? No orgasm.

[Flora5]

I am 55 and have a very healthy libido, my OH is also 55 and okish - he works hard and has a lot of social things going on - so that is ok I understand that. We have been living together for eighteen months and that is ok as well, nothing bad, not hugely exciting but he is lovely. My 28 year old son also still lives at home but pretty much keeps himself to himself, I have no issues. Right. I have usually managed to reach orgasm during sex with previous partners, particularly my last one, they all seemed to enjoy foreplay as much as I do and were more than happy to ensure I was happy as well. So, my lovely man? Nothing. Zip. Not even a tingle of a turn on. We have sex, he is very very good and the intercourse stuff - brilliant in fact, but foreplay? Nope. a quick fiddle - usually a bit rough and painful tbh, if I do get a bit aroused he jumps in and then it is over for me. I often give him a bj, then he again jumps on and it is over for me. He has been down on me a couple of time, but only for a quick bit, a waste of time. I thought I was good a sex, it has always been wonderful for me, but this one? I have no idea what to do. I have asked, hinted, guided. Nothing. He gets horney, does the biz and I am left wondering if that was it. There is nothing for me. I asked if his previous partners came - he answered I assume so. They were not short relationships so I assume the ladies were satisfied in that dept. Is it me? What on earth do I do. I think the world of him - but a life of one sided sex? Not sure that is going to work for me. He would be very hurt if he knew how miserable I am. But I am.
advice a some views please. Thank you.

Tell him. Spell it out to him and then see what he does. He will either take your advice and want to please you or he won't. If he gets offended and huffy and continues with his old ways then it shows he is more concerned with his own ego instead of you and I would make my decision about continuing the relationship on that.

Look, no matter how hurt he is, it's nothing to how much you suffer!

Maybe his earliest experience was with someone who was happy with that and he duplicated it, but I doubt it. I bet there are a few women now thanking their lucky stars they're not having to put up with his antics.

You do need to talk to him. It sounds as though he has no idea about anything and you'll learn then whether he's prepared to learn.

The thing is that he hasn't thought about whether it's good for you, has he? It's not occurred to him. That sounds as though he's always been like that - does what he needs to do to have his orgasm and then it's game over.

What Xena said. He needs to realise that women are slow-cookers, not microwaves and you need to SPELL IT OUT TO HIM.

I don't think he's even thinking about it, though. He's not even noticed that the OP's frustrated and annoyed.

He needs to watch 'Friends' #7.
And he sounds selfish and inconsiderate.

I assume so
There's your answer, right there in his reply.
If he was a thoughtful, fair and selfless lover he'd fucking well KNOW not ASSUME

In a similar boat. My DH thinks I can come within 5 min without foreplay. My sexual needs are my worries. I feel sad about this part.

Maybe give them a taste of their own medicine -
Use a toy to get yourself going - hop on selfish lover without making much movement - quickly bring yourself to climax - hop off into bed and say goodnight honey, I hope that was good for you.

After a few times the selfish fuckers might start getting the message.

I always think how someone behaves in bed is a very good indication of their long-term relationship potential. This does not mean that they have to be experienced fantastic lovers because no one is born fabulous at sex. It is a learned skill that becomes better with practice. It is willingness to learn and improve that matters. With that you can achieve anything, including orgasm.

When you first start a relationship with someone you are trying to present yourself in the best light. Many people don't have the confidence to ask "what is it you like?" They might cringe and feel like second-rate porn stars asking questions like that. Worse still, they might feel they have to act like a porn star with sexual acrobatics that don't actually result in good sex for either party.

If someone has good communication skills and empathy, they will recognise that their partner isn't having a great time and eventually pluck up the courage to raise the subject. If they don't, it doesn't mean they are a bad person, of course, but it quite likely means that they are not great in picking up the cues that the other person is unhappy, or that they are not great at raising difficult issues. Neither of which is going to be a bonus for the relationship overall, let alone in the bedroom.

Some people go wrong by faking pleasure because they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings. Bad move, because if you're pretending everything is great, how is someone going to pick up those cues? Better to say you'd prefer something else. No need to be critical. As you're already doing that and he's not responding... Well, I'd assume that it's a pattern you can expect to see duplicated elsewhere in your relationship when you find yourself with conflicting viewpoints, sorry.

I'm confused, you say he's very good but what you've described sounds dire!

You need to spell it out and if he doesn't listen then personally he'd be out the door!

He has been down on me a couple of time, but only for a quick bit, a waste of time.

That doesn't sound like a very generous lover.

Can you not tell him you haven't finished before and suggest things that might work?