Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Told Hubbie that Idon't love him anymore

11 replies

conway · 21/10/2013 13:43

After 17 years of marriage mostly un-happilly ( on my part) I finally found the courage to tell Hubbie that I didn't love him any more and that thought it may be better if we split up. I have posted before and have 2 boys age 7 and 12. Counselling has helped me move forward.The problem is that he is in total denial and just said we need to spend more time together. He has then been nice to me all week but said nothing to me about it but not made any effort to spend time together.When I tried to talk he just carried on playing games on his lap top.
He now rang me to book a holiday for the summer as you get cheapdeals if you book before NOvember. I am Reluctant to book in case we do split up.
Any help please?

OP posts:
RevelsRoulette · 21/10/2013 13:47

So he's disregarding everything you said and it's business as usual for him?

I would probably say that I didn't expect us to still be together next year. See if that gets any reaction from him!

I can't believe that you tried to talk to him and he prefered to play games. That's just like sticking your fingers in your ears and going la-la-la-la-la isn't it? If he doesn't listen to you - it can't happen.

What do you want to do?

Original poster
conway · 21/10/2013 13:52

Feel like really want to move forward on my own but don't know how to get there. I sometimes hope he would just have an affair as I feel that would be easier to cope with

OP posts:
Scarletohello · 21/10/2013 13:55

If you really do want to split up then I suggest you get practical. Think about where you will live, money, get a good solicitor etc. Then he will have to face things...

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 21/10/2013 14:30

Did you actually tell him you didn't love him any more? Were those your words?

Traditionally on MN, if a woman reports on here that her DH said that to her, he's a tosser of the highest order.

Thisisaeuphemism · 21/10/2013 14:37

Well, if you want to split up, then you have to split up. It sounds a little as though you expect him to start the process....

You want to split, so do it. Get some financial and legal advice. Don't wait for him to agree. This is something you're going to have to do without him...

Be strong, op.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/10/2013 15:26

Definitely you have to follow through on this. You can't leave 'I don't love you' hanging in the air (that's when it's cruel) & he's not taking you seriously, so you'll have to keep taking the initiative and drive the split single-handed. Please get good legal advice.

skyeskyeskye · 21/10/2013 18:17

If you want to split up, then that is what you need to make clear to him. Of course you shouldn't be booking a holiday.

Have you made it plain to him that it is over? You sound doubtful yourself "in case we do split up" ... so maybe he hasn't heard you clearly enough.

If it is over, then tell him that, do not mess him around and make it plain that nothing will change your mind.

If you are doubtful yourself, then sit down and talk about how things can be improved. But if you have truly been unhappy for 17 years, then I don't suppose anything much will change now.

Take control, be honest with him and end it. That is how you move forward.

bestsonever · 21/10/2013 18:36

I think it is unsurprising that he has not taken you seriously yet as you say you have spent most of your 17 years with him unhappily anyway and still hung around. Him asking you about booking your holiday was your cue to say something, but you didn't. Sorry, but from what I see instead you are on here complaining that he isn't making it easy for you to go. Perhaps he does not see the last 17 years the way you do and was actually content for most of it.
The thing is, when are you going to get the gumption to do something about it? What stopped you all these years? And why have 2 children if you are unhappy in the first place? Lots of times if it was that bad you could have gone, why now? 17 years is a long time in the doldrums wishing for a happier life.

plinkyplonks · 21/10/2013 20:09

Hi OP - some quick questions...

Why are you unhappy in your marriage? Why have you given up on your marriage working? Why haven't you moved out yet - are you still holding on to hope? Have you threatened to leave before hence why you husband doesn't quite believe you're leaving?

Original poster
conway · 21/10/2013 20:57

yes,have said I wanted to leave before but have more determiantion now as having counselling and saw a solicitor back in January.
Things haven't been good for along time due to his going out drinking.When we met we used to both enjoy going out having a good time but now my body can't do it and doesn't want to.
He entertains a lot at work and is on frequent business trips to the USA.
In January found some condoms in his jacket and even though he said they were ours from years ago I don't trust him now.
Can't help snooping since then and found many instances of him meeting up with women (may be clients?) and photos of him with various women. Also there was a picture of him with a a stipper on his lap. So he may not have been un- faithful but certainly has a playboy life style while I am at home with th kids.
A

OP posts:
Scarletohello · 21/10/2013 23:31

Condoms? A stripper on his lap? What more do you need to LTB??

I know it's scary but you will be so much happier if you are not with this man. Please believe this and put steps in motion. You only have one life and you deserve to be happy.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread