Feel like I'm low priority to dh

[namechangedforthis2013]

I'm a SAHM, dh works hard to provide for the family. But I feel taken for granted by him and that he doesn't give our young dd and I any time. A few nights a week he will work late but the other nights he will often spend on work emails etc. So no quality time there then.

The other day he arranged a business meeting for an evening when he already hadn't been around for a couple of evenings in a row. I got annoyed, he agreed he had been a bit thoughtless and rearranged for another day.

Then after a week of him not being around much, he suggested we go out for a family lunch. In the meantime his middle aged mum had had a fall and went to hospital for xrays. His sister was with her but he did go and see her. So far, so OK. Then I get a text to say dd and I should sort our own lunch out as it will be a a while for the xray. I am really really angry that dd and I have been cancelled in such a casual way. AIBU to feel like this when obviously his mum is hurt? Am I being a cow? I guess for me it is just the straw that broke the camel's back.There are other examples. I put it down to dh being thoughtless but should I expect more? Or are my standards too high?

I think it's undrrstandable that he wanted to be with his mum after she'd hurt herself. However it's not too much to ask for him to spend more time with you and your dd.

I think, because his mum has been taken to hospital, then all bets are off at the moment, because this is a situation that is out of the ordinary. Also, his mum is probably anxious and wants him around.

However, once things have settled down, then maybe have a chat about work/life balance? Put it this way, does his job pay enough to be worth that kind of commitment? Is there a career path which requires longer hours, or will he still be fine even if he puts a boundary around working from home?

I think you Abu. He needed to be with his mother and had she not been in hospital he probably would have gone out with you. I am assuming that with these long hours that his job pays well. You cannot have it all...clearly the compromise here for you to be at home is for him to work hard and support the family. Be grateful he can do that and wants to. Many men do not.

Also, the fact that he is agreeing he has been thoughtless shows his willing and understanding of the situation. However, he is in a stressful position being a new dad and sole breadwinner. I am sure he would rather be with the two of you. Cut him some slack!

Sometimes life is a bit of a slog. He just sounds busy. I hardly think he's evil for visiting his mum in hospital. I think that for a parent at home it can get a bit lonely. Do you have friends to see or playgroups to go to in the day?

"Pubic"... oh dear

It was reasonable of him to stay with his injured mum at the hospital if she wanted him to. You are being a bit unreasonable to criticise that.

It seems that he needs to reappraise his work/life balance, so when the time comes (not now, whilst he is worried about his mum) then you could tactfully broach that subject, pointing out that that you and your daughter would love to see him just occasionally. It does sound as if he may well be amenable to this.