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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have decided i must leave my dp.

16 replies

maltesers · 03/07/2006 21:21

Just need some advice and support in this big decision. I have 2 older teenagers and a ds of 5 yrs with my dp. We dont get on well. He has no sex drive or affection much for me. He has disassociation disorder and ignores me half the time. My self esteem is low. I am unhappy with him and wee argue a lot. He has got violent a couple of times and is generally a very angty man who has few friends his own age. He seems to befriend older placid, passive men at the local pubs. We struggle financially, and he is very irresponsible with money. He used to gamble and lost a lot. When we have an argument he packs up his stuff and leaves and does not contact me.
I have got to the point when i know it will happen again so have decided this is it. I feel it is right and know it will empower me to regain self esteem and control. He is very controlling and manipulative and not supportive.
Dreading being on my own as i have done it before with the older two kids. Have been needy but now have to seize the bull by the horns and go.
Responses greatly appreciated. Thanks.

OP posts:
koalabear · 03/07/2006 21:23

it sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and are making the right decision for you and your children

good luck - i hope it works out well for you

stay strong (and make sure you protect yourself financially)

Miaou · 03/07/2006 21:23

Maltesers I have no advice but you have my support for your decision and I hope it goes well for you.

Do you have a plan? Would it help to talk it out on here?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/07/2006 21:24

I have no advice maltesers but good for you for regaining some strength.

Although, may i suggest you dont wait for him to go if things are bad, but that you ask him to leave? Or will that provoke a reaction that you dont want?

Good luck with whatever you do.

Beauregard · 03/07/2006 21:24

Sounds like you are doing the right thing but that doesn't make it easy for you!
((big hugs))

nicnack2 · 03/07/2006 21:25

good luck personally having lived through that kind of relationship i support you fully.

lilibet · 03/07/2006 21:31

Oh yes, been there. Only you can decide if the time is right to leave and it does seem that you ahve thought this through fully. Have you told the children?

warthog · 03/07/2006 21:40

I think you're doing the right thing. There is a better life out there waiting for you.

maltesers · 03/07/2006 23:02

Thanks for your responses. Plan to get down to the Housing Benefit Office this week and enquire what help with the rent i might get. Will have to move from here it is 4 beds and as older ds 18 yrs is going to Uni in Sept only need 3 i guess. Worry i will struggle financially but at least i will be in control of it and not feeding him with my income.

OP posts:
JellyNump · 03/07/2006 23:50

good luck!!! do you have family who will support you too? sorry, i don't have any real advice but from what you've said, it seems like the right decision!

Greensleeves · 03/07/2006 23:55

I'm so sorry sweetheart. It's a terrible decision to have to make. I don't feel qualified to give advice, but I'm thinking of you and I hope you get the support you need. xx

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/07/2006 07:01

Citizens Advice Bureau may be worth contacting as well re finances.

beansontoast · 04/07/2006 07:09

you sound like you are doing the right thing maltesers...it will empower you, even if life is a greater struggle for most of the time!

with my bestest wishes
beans x

shhhh · 04/07/2006 07:36

It sounds like you know exactly what you want to do and your mind is made up. Only you can say whether it's a right or wrong decision as you are the one living this life every day.

Sorry I can't offer you any advice but I wish you all the best. You sound very strong and I wish you a happier future.BTW not all men are like your dp. There are some "golden eggs" out there. I know as i'm a lucky holder of one xx

LaDiDaDi · 04/07/2006 11:48

It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought over a long time and it really does sound like you are doing the best thing for you and your children.

Planning will make this easier but if it does get tough remember why you are leaving him and stay strong.

Good luckx

Miaou · 06/07/2006 07:14

maltesers...how are you doing hun?

glitterfairy · 06/07/2006 07:33

I wish you the best of luck maltesers and hope it goes welll for you. Awful having done it once before and facing it again I am sending you a huge amount of positive thoughts.

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