Baby is 4 months old - we can't stop bickering

[BigOrangePumpkin]

Me and DP obviously, not me and the baby!

Things were amazing for the first three months but it seems like for the last couple of weeks or so we've been at each other's throats constantly. Is this normal? Are we going to be ok? And what can we do to get through it?

Sleep deprivation is well and truly kicking in I think!

Being really tired creates irritability and snappiness, it's no wonder you're bickering. My advice is to keep talking to each other and being open with each other. It's so easy to go into survival mode when your exhausted and shut other people out but try to be honest if your feeling tired/overwhelmed. I'm sure that's why your bickering. Can't you get some time to yourselves to do something nice together or just sleep?!

Try not to worry, it's a stressful time. I'm sure you'll come out the other end!

Thanks roz I hope it is just sleep deprivation!

I would say totally normal. Me and DH were not at all the arguing type before we had DD but now we do (mostly bickering really)

It scared me to start with but seems to happen to most couples I think unless they're in a Disney film

Just try to be nice to each other, I know it's not easy at times.

Tiredness is certainly a factor but is there any real foundation to the irritability? Are you sharing chores equally? Showing appreciation to each other? Having equal amounts of rest/personal time?

Try not to get into the 'competitive tiredness' cycle. You're both running on empty by four months in, so you're going to have to work as a team to try and make sure each other are getting enough sleep.

Is he pulling his weight? My DH was so bloody focused on work (and feeling extra pressure because now there was another person depending on him), that he left me to deal with both our babies on my own. It caused a lot of resentment at times, so keep talking, try and make sure you're both giving the other the opportunity to sleep uninterrupted for a bit (difficult if you're BF-ing, but expressing can perhaps let you sleep for four hours instead of two), and just acknowledging that you're knackered and that you don't always mean what you say in anger, can help you to survive this stage.

We are sharing everything equally, he's really hands on with DD as well, which is one of the reasons I'm worried about the bickering, because there isn't any real reason for it to be happening!

Totally normal. In fact I know way more people who did this than didn't. My marriage was terrible for the first year after the baby arrived - it's better than ever now, 5 years on, but we're having another in the new year and I fully expect things to go just the same way.

Nobody is easygoing and even tempered after months of broken sleep. Bickering is an inevitability, I think.

Thanks perfect it's good to hear from people who've been through this and survived!

Feeling worried now. I was thinking id be the stressed grumpy one and DH would be less tired etc cos I would be at home with baby and he would keep me going.