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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Online dating - how to phrase what I'm after

4 replies

LividofLondon · 21/10/2013 08:33

Hello. I'm on trying online dating although not 100% sure what I'm after because it really depends on who I meet. My Plan A is to move away from the area I live in now (when my cottage eventually sells...that's a whole new thread!), so it would be better to stay casual with men (perhaps even as casual as FWB). However, if I met someone wonderful, then theoretically I could stay around here. Thing is I like to know up front what someone's intentions are, but then mine are rather "it depends". I've put myself in the "looking for a relationship/dating" categories, but feel I should elaborate. Any ideas?

OP posts:
ALittleStranger · 21/10/2013 08:51

Why do you think you need to elaborate in your profile? I think anything that suggests "casual" is likely to draw out the players so why not leave all of this for a conversation after you've actually met someone you're interested in?

Walkacrossthesand · 21/10/2013 09:11

I wouldn't put too much info about your future 'maybe, maybe not' plans in your profile - it's your shop window to attract attention, not the terms and conditions! Agree with stranger, avoid any 'let's see where it goes' type option - invites ONS hunters/married men as if they needed any encouragement

LividofLondon · 21/10/2013 14:24

OK, thanks :-) It makes sense. I shall leave elaborating for if I actually get to meet someone.

OP posts:
tawse57 · 21/10/2013 22:30

I would not worry about the friends with benefits thing if you are merely after sex.

Bottom line, most men now expect sex by the third date at most - in fact, plenty of male blogs now tell men to expect sex by the second date and loads recommend the first date.

So if you want sex you are going to get sex.

It is a sorry state of affairs for those men and women who want something more loving, committed, etc, but on-line dating is now a numbers game and the male blogs basically tell all men - even the nicest of men - not to hang around and do the long-winded courting thing as it is a considered a waste of time.

You want friends with benefits - you will have plenty of that. If you want Brad Pitt AND FWB then get to the back of a very, very long queue of ladies who are living in cloud cuckoo land.

You are right about "casual" - men see a woman who puts that down as being someone just looking for sex.

It is rubbish that "it depends" is not an option on any of these sites as all successful relationships should grow organically from friendship to something more. But it seems in the internet world you either just want to be friends, or just casually date, or want to get married immediately.

Be careful of any profiles without photos of themselves - usually the marrieds, both men and women, use this tactic.

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