Need counselling but can't afford it?

[Wellwobbly]

Can I humbly recommend that you go to your nearest Al anon meeting?

You do not have to have an active drinker in your life to go to Al anon although a lot of us do. If you think about it you will remember a grandfather, and uncle or aunt ... Alcoholism is a family disease of insanity and the tragedy of alcohol abuse is that the damage cascades down the generations, and adult children of alcoholics tend to be attracted to and marry emotionally unavailable people etc - which a lot of these threads and the problems that arise are about.

Al anon is FREE and you get the most incredible support for your dilemma, whilst you are gently taken through the steps and taught to stop focussing on the actions of another, only your own self. It teaches you compassion, detachment and self-protection.

The principles are:

1. admitting we are powerless
2. turning our lives over to a power greater than our selves (NOT 'God', our inner wisdom and strength who is waiting to be heard often for the first time)
3. We need to change both our attitude and our actions
4. we share this new way of life with others.

I have been in counselling for the devastation of infidelity and the end of my marriage, and I now go to al anon as he also drinks. I would just like to tell you that they are so similar but al anon really does focus on the 'message, not the mess', helps you learn to trust the group and to share your problems and you find you are not alone.

Because it is FREE and because you can attend as many groups as you need in a week, it is a huge support. Not everyone has the money for counselling.

It also really really helps you with your own relationship with alcohol!

I am not saying it is the miracle cure or the Only Way, it is an ongoing commitment and you have to keep going, you have to be ready to admit your powerlessness and how you are making your own life unmanageable, but I can only say I wish I had been ready to act on my feelings and had gone many many years ago.

I honestly do not understand Principles 1 and 2, but obviously I am glad you have been helped through a lot of emotional pain.

Linerunner good points. I suppose it is about giving up the delusion of control. I did a lot of not so admirable things trying to get a narcissist to behave non-narcissistically, which diminished me as a decent person, was an exercise in futility, and wasted a lot of my life. That is ON ME not him.

Principles 1 and 2 are therefore extremely important, vital actually. The higher power can be seen as the support/reassurance of the group, until you get that you need to give up your wilfulness.

Al anon is for families of alcoholics and other addicts. And they affect more people than is realised. Alcoholism is a family disease of dysfunction so al anon is for sufferers of family dysfunction. It is common in al anon for people to realise that, although their parents did not drink, a lot of other family members did and therefore the dysfunction flows down. (Adult children of alcoholics is another important group).

Anyway, it is not up to me to convince anyone. I just wanted to gently suggest that if you are in a lot of pain, you will find that you have come to the right place (and that it does apply to you).

So in effect, you can't control and cure an alcoholic, and get support from somewhere?

It is much more than that. Co dependency is 'addiction to the potential' of someone. So if we just changed them ... .

What al anon does, is get you to focus on yourself, take responsibility for yourself. It is very powerful in the gentlest sort of a way.

1. Can be God if you want it to be.

Glad you're getting some good, solid support Well.

Karma AA is something different. Alcoholics Anonymous is not the same organisation as Al Anon. The first is for alcoholics, the second is for families of alcoholics.