Thoughts on marriage are changing..

[meikyo]

I have been married and divorced twice. First marriage lasted 3 years, no children. First H was much older than me and I was young and didn't know what I wanted. After splitting, I lived on my own for 4 years and grew up a bit.
In my early 30s I met someone my own age - we married after dating for 2 years . Marriage lasted 11 years and we had DD. Marriage failed mainly due to issues of ex's unwillingness to work, sexless marriage for over 3 years, and his general lack of support for our family - built up resentment and we split up when DD was 5.
Two years later I met DP - both of us single at the time. DP has been married before and has 2 lovely teen DCs who we see a lot. DP and I have been together for 3.5 years and have lived together with my DD for 1 year. Currently renting and I rent out my own home. DP and I now talking about buying a house together. Apart from my DP, I have only ever lived with my two exHs (obv not concurrently!)
DP is v different from exHs. Treats me well, is hardworking and our personalities are in tune. Sex life also v good. DD loves him.
I always felt I would not want to marry again, (a) because divorce from DD's dad was v hard fought (by him) and took a financial and emotional toll on me, and (b) because I feel stupid about not having made a success of the first 2 marriages. Now I give the impression of being very cynical about marriage.
However since a recent health scare I have started to feel differently and have come to conclusion that I would really love to be married to DP. I will need to talk to him and discuss how he feels. If we did decide to get married I would prefer a very small quiet wedding. I know its no-one else's business but I cannot shake the thoughts that other people might view me as a kind of serial bride...

Why does 'health scare' = 'suddenly wanting to get married'?

(NB. I'm a man who, putting it extremely lightly, is sceptical about 'legal' marriage without even never having been married - a result of my personality, professional experience & pondering on the issue).

What you said. No one else's business

It is no-one else's business OP, you're absolutely right. If people view you as some sort of serial bride, so be it, that's their problem.

It's your life and anyone who genuinely cares about you should be happy for you rather than judgemental. (Unless they have serious reservations about your prospective partner but that's another matter).

Sorry to hear you've had a health scare, that often puts life in a different perspective entirely.

Good luck with future marriage plans

Yes - you are not the first lawyer I have come across who seems to be a sceptic about marriage! I think the health scare focussed me on how short life can be and also what I want in life. If I had been married once before I would probably go for it (if that's what DP wanted too) but it's the fact that it would be the third time for me that make it all feel a bit of a "hope over experience" thing.

If you're looking at buying property together, and you have 3 DCs between you, the first thing you need to do is explore what provision for them you would both want to make in the event of your separation or death.

It may be that marriage is the best option but I would look into all aspects first, including whether or not you plan to have DC together.

A MNetter called Mumblechum is a lawyer and will writer - she's often on the Legal Matters thread but also has a classified ad.

Frankly who cares what people think about you marrying again? Do what's right for you and DD!