unifished business with (not really) EX with cancer

[KeniaFR]

Hi guys!

Cutting the story (more or less) short:

I met this guy who I fell hard for who would say that loves me and cares for me.
This guy has cancer (I really know he does) and that was always his excuse to not get involved with me and doesn't want to make me suffer when he's gone.
I tried to be friends but he always said he couldn't be only friends with the woman he was in love with.

Months have passed, and forget about him just seems to be hard. He doesn't reply to my text messages. I wonder why!! Is he scared?? But he tried to call me once, I picked up and he didn't say anything. Still scared of commitment? or what? He is an unsecured guy by the way, low self-esteem I reckon.

Also, he bumped into a friend of mine in a bar and almost cried when she talked about me and he said he wouldn't know what to reply when I text him. Then again he bumped into another friend of mine in a bar (when he was drunk) and randomly began talking about me saying that I'm too young and know nothing about life (all bull, I know more than he thinks) and that he cares for me.

I'm like 'We haven't seen each other for months and when he bumps into my friends he talks about me??' Why? Sometimes I think he has no interest in me but then these things happen.

I haven't said anything to him for months neither has he. But before I forget about him for real I want to understand why and clear up everything. It's my nature. But how??

GUYS!! Tell me what you think of this. He's such a complicated person!!! :x I must say AGAIN that he does not reply to my text messages.

I need your opinions!!

Please xoxo

In my opinion 'complicated' people are never good news.

Did you have a relationship in which you fell for him?

I'm sorry but that fact he doesn't reply and makes no effort to contact you says it all.

You don't know what really happens when he meets your friends- only their word for it. Don't mean they are lying but maybe they bring you up and he joins in.....

I think you need to try and stop second guessing what's in his head. If it really bothers you and he has a prognosis - how long has he left- then you might want to think about putting down your feelings in a letter to him, but only you know what is best.

He sounds very confused and tbh you are better walking away and putting it down to experience if you can.

Missbopeep,

One of them didn't even know about us. And I never told her anything, she only knew that we knew each other.

One of his friends told him that the doctors have said that his case is stable now. So, I still think there's a lot of hope for him, but we never know.

I have tried to forget and I actually did once but he showed up telling me all these sweet things. If he sat with me and talked to me to clear everything up... but he made promises and told me that he loves and then walked away. How can I accept that or even forget?

I fell for him before. This was more of a relationship attempt.

I don't think he's complicated at all.

It looks like he just isn't into you.

He also told you he didn't want to be friends- and this is why he doesn't reply when you ignore that boundary and try to contact him anyway.

I think you're reading too much into what he's apparently saying to your friends. They might also be sweetening the pill a bit and trying to make what he actually said sound less awful.

Although saying you're too young and know nothing about life is pretty damning.

Move on. He really isn't interested.

what kind of text messages are you sending him?

Only like Hi, how are you doing? What's new?

nothing dramatic

Not that into you, I'd say.

Look even if he doesn't want a relationship for a patronisingly noble martyrish reason, it looks like he's made his mind up and does not wish to change it. You cannot make him and continuing to contact him seems to be causing him distress which isn't your intention. Maybe he would find such a relationship too painful, or its just too much on top of everything else in his life right now (is the cancer terminal? many can be treated? but either way he has a lot to deal with atm)

I think you just have to accept that he believes a relationship would cause you both less happiness, not more. His paternal attitude about making this decision, possibly for "your own good" would grate on me to be honest, not to mention the insult to your intelligence/emotional maturity in terms of you being able to handle a relationship with this complication. Or he isn't that into you.

It all sounds bit over dramatic 'I can't just be friends with a woman I love' stuff and yet talking about you to random people (to him, obviously they are your friends) like you are the one who got away, when that's his decision. Its a bit woe is me (and maybe he's entitled to feel that way about life given what he's going through, but its not really the kind of attitude you can start a healthy new relationship with).

I think you just need to move on and accept that there isn't a relationship here. He knows how to contact you if he changes his mind, and if you are single at that point then you can consider if you want a relationship with someone who has treated you so strangely. Try and focus on other things - work/family/friends/hobbies and if you don't have enough of that, go out and meet new people and do new things - life's too short.