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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fed up of being turned down for sex and it's my birthday!!!

18 replies

Mumof3girlys · 20/10/2013 17:43

So been with DP for 2 years, I'm not stupid and get in the begining you at it like rabbits and then it dies down a little but for past year it's died down a lot and DP is always either to drunk, to hung over, to tired or to ill for sex! Now I'm 34 (birthday yesterday) and have huge sex drive, I love sex and always found it so easy to get off even with the serious lack of foreplay (DP doesn't ever seem to do foreplay) he is 37 I should add!

Anyway for my birthday yesterday I had this jokey card about 69 in the hotel room, and DP took my to a amazing 5* spa hotel, spent morning in spa had treatments then in arvo DP suggest we go back to room for hour for a lie down, I presumed he meant for fun, So we get back take off our wet swim stuff and jump into bed glass a glass of bubbly I slide across bed and slide hand down under covers and just get totally blown off with a " Hun I'm tired I didn't sleep well last night need a power nap you will have to wait till tonight' so I let it go chill out watch a bit of tv before we went back to spa for rest of arvo!

So then last night we go to the amazing rosette winning resturant have champagne and amazing meal, eat a lot and while eating DP mentions he is so full and shattered I will have to wait until morning for birthday sex..... So I just mentioned in a jokey way how I presumed earlier when we went back to room that it might of been for birthday sex and couldn't believe I had been knocked back, we both just laughed about it him saying no I was tired and you know I get bored laying around pools etc so just wanted to go bavk for a nap etc so anyway it's was left on a good jokey laughing note and we carried on our meal with him continuing to mention how shattered he was etc

So we get back to room and I ask him to un zip my dress he does while taking of his trousers saying shall I just stick it in a second? I respond with " don't I even get a kissfirst" and he give me one quick kiss on the lips while falling onto the bed and sticks it stright in, after about 2 mins of sex he gets up saying sorry will have to wait I'm going to chuck up!!! So that's that and we go to bed!

Wake this morning and I slide over for a cuddle to be told straight away that he is tired and had a shit nights sleep! So he then gets up and decided to go for a swim, as soon as he leaves I just bust into tears feel do shit!!!! We spent the day/night in a amazing hotel for my birthday and I didn't even get sex!

I know compared to some things on here this is nothing but it's getting me down, i honestly feel shit, unattractive and unwanted I honestly can't remember the last time we went to bed and just had sex before sleep or the last time I didn't get turned down when I tired it on!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/10/2013 17:57

Do you have children together?

I could hardly read past "shall I just stick it in a second?" I can't think of a bigger turnoff.

He sounds very lazy and tbh a real knob. He thinks you're going to stay with him whatever he does, doesn't he?

ALittleStranger · 20/10/2013 18:00

I'm sorry OP. He sounds like a knob. Yes sex slows down but not to this extent. He sounds uncaring and selfish. I'd also worry he was getting it elsewhere.

And being 37 is no excuse.

Putitonthelist · 20/10/2013 18:04

So you've been with him for 2 years and for only 1 year you've had a satisfying sex life?? That is just not normal. Jeez can you imagine being like for for another year OP?

Stick it in? How lovely Hmm Sounds like a prick excuse the pun Dump.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 20/10/2013 18:07

Why are you putting up with such a crappy sex life with a man who is obviously making excuses not to shag you and is an utterly shite lover when he can be arsed (for your birthday treat Hmm)

Itstartshere · 20/10/2013 18:12

I had a guy say that to me once, admittedly in the first few weeks of dating. I dumped him. It's lazy and selfish and makes you feel like shit. You both need to have a serious heart to heart.

Leverette · 20/10/2013 18:17

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Bunbaker · 20/10/2013 18:18

I'm sitting on the fence here, but if two people have such mismatched sex drives the relationship is bound to fail sooner or later. It can't be much fun for your partner to feel under pressure to perform all the time.

It doesn't sound like you two have enough in common to stay together so you might as well call it a day on your relationship.

overmydeadbody · 20/10/2013 18:18

That is not normal, sex doesn't dwindle after only a year into a relationship! Shock After two years I would expect the sex to be pretty much the same as in the beginning. Two years is not long in a relationship.

He sounds like he either just has a very low sex drive or doesn't get turned on by you. Either way he is being a disk.

He also sounds incredibly selfish.

ImperialBlether · 20/10/2013 18:21

She's hardly putting pressure on him to perform, Bunbaker!

LEMisdisappointed · 20/10/2013 18:23

i'm sorry but his mind is elsewhere - yes thngs settle down after a while together, but after 2 years you should stll be at the rabbit stage (and don't mean supplement with a battery operated rabbt either).

I think its time to cut your losses, if im very honest i thnk he will be giving you the elbow soon so get in before he does, you deserve better x

LEMisdisappointed · 20/10/2013 18:24

The only excuse could be that he has some sort of erectile dysfuncton, but that can be fixed - maybe you should ask him.

starfishmummy · 20/10/2013 18:25

Does he have any redeeming features??
(probably not)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/10/2013 18:28

Suggest you trade him in for a better model in time for your next birthday ... Hmm He sounds like a waste of time. Plus he calls you 'hun'... Confused

ImperialBlether · 20/10/2013 18:30

Yes, "hun" is almost on a par with "shall I just stick it in a second?"

Grin

I think he's seeing someone else tbh.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/10/2013 18:33

Also seems to be a lot of alcohol featuring in this story. Unless that rosette winning restaurant served him a bad oyster or a does of gastroenteritis, drinking enough to throw up isn't helping anything.

Mumof3girlys · 20/10/2013 19:07

Thanks everyone, no don't have children together I have 3 he has 1!

Yes his drinking is a issue and playing on my mind slot recently as it appears everything revoles around booze

He is def not seeming anyone else though I didn't post on her a few weeks back about him contacting a ex through Facebook and his so called 'banter' and I know it's not right but since then I have been determined to keep eye on things and have managed to access his facebook, online phone billing, twitter, linkedin and check his phone, now that in its self is NOT RIGHT!!!

Think I know it's com

OP posts:
Mumof3girlys · 20/10/2013 19:08

Whoop wrong button

Think I know it's coming to a end, I just can't see a future here, already know I don't want to move in with him ect

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/10/2013 19:17

I want to know why you stayed with him longer than a night if he didn't do foreplay.

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