Is this verbal "abuse"?

[chopstick]

Dh and i argue quite alot and sometimes end up shouting at eachother. He sometimes says very hurtful things to me. Someone said that this constitutes bing "abusive" to me but many couple i know have screaming rows from time to time. i wonder what you think - i never really thought i was in an abusive relationship - just a sometimes volatile one

My husband is what they class as verbally abusive. We are in the process of seperating now, but it has taken a long while getting here.
He scares me when he is angry & silly things can make him cross, like me not ordering enough cans of coke when doing the shopping etc.
He is very good at turning everything around to make me feel I am always totally to blame & I would never try to argue back at him when he was cross, as he scares me when he is angry.
Does any of this sound familiar, or is it more of a case of the two of you yelling at each other, which would indicate problems in your marriage, which would maybe benefit from something like Relate.

good point lemmingswife I guess it is how the abuse occurs and if you can give as good as you get

I do argue back and probably give as good as i get. It just seems to have more effect o me thatn him - he can just switch off from it whereas i feel tortured by it for ages afterwards

Relate have a good technique for making these kinds of fights less intimidating. When one of you is angry and knows they will fly off the handle hold up your hand and leave the other alone until you have calmed down enough to have a reasonable conversation. The other person is not allowed to ask why or initiate a conversation they have to repsect that the annoyed person needs to calm down first and then will come back in their own time adn howver long that takes.

At the end of that time the conversation starts wiht the annoyed person expressing clearly how they felt and what part of it they owned themselves trying hard not get into blaming.

It sounds complicated but it can work.