Who would do that?:(

[mrsericnorthmaniwish]

How would you feel if you discovered agreements had been made without your knowledge to ensure, if you divorced, that you would get nothing, absolutely nothing? Not even a roof over dcs head. Who does that?really?

Have you posted about this person before? (Loan agreements about the house made with relatives behind your back?) To answer your question directly, I would feel that the spouse in question saw me as a temporary fixture and a money-grabber. I'd also feel that they were secretive, deceptive and untrustworthy. I'd be feeling all of that as I picked up the phone to make an appointment with a really good solicitor.....

Sounds very cruel. I'm not sure it would happen though unless you signed something?

Yes, I have posted before,sorry, I come on here cause I find it helpful to write it down and the responses are helpful to me. I have signed nothing and have discovered everything as I am going through the process-not that it would have stopped me:(

Then yes, it's the same response as last time. The person you're divorcing is a nasty, selfish creep and whatever satisfaction he gets out of swindling an exW and kids out of a bit of cash will be little comfort when he dies a lonely old man.... Equally for you, do your best via solicitors and whatever to get a fair share out of this, but tell yourself that being homeless and potless and without this selfish, mean man in your life would still be a better outcome than wasting one more second of it with him

What did he do op? And how?

To me seems extraordinarily calculating.

I'm so sorry op - what cold thing to do to the dcs :( some people really scrape the bottom of the barrel.

A legal agreement was made with a third party over our home without my knowledge, our home was never actually our home:( that's the basics:(

You have a good solicitor?

Only the coldest, most narcissistic of anti social psychopaths could do that

So do you think this was an arrangement specifically to protect himself or did he think it wouldn't come to light until many years down the line (or you'd never find out)?

I'm do sorry you are going through this. I think you need legal advice ASAP.

I don't know why:(

He is a very nasty nasty nasty man and I wonder if you do have some sort of legal come back as he has done this to deliberately deceive over marital assets?

Perhaps he just viewed you as domestic service and rent a womb?

It is so so sad and he is just a cold and calculating man.

You're torturing yourself with 'why' aren't you? You can't imagine that someone you thought you knew could be this selfish and deceptive. But it's only the same as finding out someone has been having an affair, run up debts or has a porn habit. The reasons are usually entirely selfish..... they are motivated by 'I want' ... and the impact on other people (including immediate family) is utterly unimportant.

Your ex has what he wants, no-one else matters and he's been that way for a long time.

Actually it depends ... You say your home isn't your home and there is an arrangement with a relative?

In that case maybe it's the relative that is insisting on this to protect their investment. Which I can see to be honest.

If the relative had actually insisted on those grounds, the next move on the part of the husband here would have been to run it by the OP, get their agreement etc. By keeping it secret & excluding the OP from a decision affecting her own home and that of her DCs, the whole thing could only be at best arrogant and at worst malicious.

Have you seen a solicitor?

I think you need to start a separate bank account and start moving money across to it as much as you can. Take cash out of your joint account for 'shopping', buy the cheaper brands and put the rest in your own account. Speak to a financial adviser and see if there are any 'insurance' policies which you can pay into for a short amount of time before they 'pay out'. This is another way of getting money out of your joint finances.

Did the relative put any money into buying the house initially?

Speak to a solicitor and see if this legal. Surely they would need to have the relatives name on the house deeds and if your name is on the mortgage then surely you would have had to 'sign' to agree this at some stage. If you have no knowledge then they have they faked your signature?

I have agreed to nothing and signed nothing, it's being looked into by solicitor. I understand the need to protect ones investment but I was not told therefore not given the opportunity to protect myself somehow.

Can you get past and start working towards ? Have you got angry yet? You keep hashing up the 'why' and I can't help thinking that you're stuck in a cycle of self-pity and questions you can't answer that's stopping you from getting on with life.

I am getting on with life, I am getting angry, I know I will get there but now and then I just get frustrated

What exactly happened? Is it evident that it is a deliberate attempt to conceal money/prevent you being entitled to marital assets?

Pleased you're getting angry. :) I do sympathise. It is very frustrating when someone behaves in a way so selfish that it would never cross your mind. Nothing you can do about it, unfortunately.

It's quite clear to me that's what's been done!

Did he ever refer to it as being the family home, or your home with him - wonder if that is further evidence that he deliberately concealed the info from you?