So upset :-(

[sammyjayneex]

Hello,

Tonight after my hubby came back after work I asked him for reassurance because my 7 year old fell on my 19 month old which I believe I couldn't have prevented, but he started giving me abuse saying I'm stupid and careless and that if anythin happens to our kids I will 'get it' and I will see the ' devil come out'

I couldn't stop my 7 year old fall on my 19 month old coz it happened so quick and my 7 year old didn't realise she was behind her,. And he's saying it's all my fault :-(

He's caused a massive argument tonight, I can't talk to him about anything.

I think it's because something happened to him as a child so because of that he blames me for everything and If my child dared to hurt themselves I would be to blame. It's awful for me Because I suffer with OCD so need reassurance sometimes and him blaming me puts pressure on me more

Making my OCD ten times worse. I already carry a lot of blame on my shoulders I don't need added blame. He says I can prevent everything and everything that happens is my fault. So if my child falls whilst I'm on the toilet he will say it's my fault for not watching her or taking her to the toilet with me

I was sat on the sofa minding my

Own business and started in me coz of the question I asked him

Earlier

I'm not surprised you are upset - you are living with an abusive bully. I'm no expert but I'd say what he is doing sounds like a form of control and it sounds like he is making you unwell too.

I think your OH needs to take a reality check. Despite the best of intentions accidents do happen. It sounds as if both DC are ok, so it was just. one. of. those. things. let it go and move on.

Regarding your OH his reaction sounds completely out of proportion to what happened. Please stop blaming yourself, is this a one off incident or does your OH regularly behave this way?

He has threatened you and I would be very worried about this. You sound scared OP - do you have family you can turn to?

I don't care what happened to him as a child, he's being abusive. I've tripped over my 2 year old a few times! They tend to stand an inch behind you, silently! This was not your fault, but since you have some anxiety issues, his behaviour is cruel and unnecessary.

What is saying 'you will get it' supposed to mean? Is he threatening you?

Exactly - what happened with the children is normal and one of those things. His behaviour is certainly not normal, OTOH.

Your husband sounds like a nasty piece of work. 'See the devil come out' is an out and out threat. Blaming you for everything is unreasonable. I'm not surprised your confidence is shattered.... you're living with a bully.

He's always had some element of control in the past. Something's he doesn't do anymore but somethings he does. It's like he's giving me the abuse due to what happened to him and it's not fair. Now everyone my child hurts themselves by accident I will be on edge, he's Cruel. I deserve better I think. I've took 8 years of his crap.

He's giving me the silence treatment as If I have done something wrong

This relationship sounds very unhealthy for you, OP. His behaviour is totally unreasonable.

'abuse due to what happened to him?'... Whatever happened to him, it doesn't give him the right to control, abuse or generally mistreat another person. Yes, you do deserve better.

Your right it's very unhealthy. I am looking into getting some help but don't know where to start. He says I'm only allowed to but my jus 3 presents each or else I will go mad.

Forget what he allows or doesn't allow. Who made him king? You can get help from all kinds of places. The Womens Aid charity is very good at practical advice for women wanting to reject abusive/controlling/bullying partners 0808 2000 247

Do you want out? If you do, we can help you, your not alone, and you don't have to live like this anymore, what do you think your kids are learning about relationships?