Friend has marriage issues atm. I need to give minimal details to avoid outing her/myself. Her husband, who has a degenerative, incurable disease, is becoming increasingly aggressive and accused her of many things, from alcoholism to mental illness (none of which are true). He has physically and sexually assaulted her over the last couple of months but says she brought upon herself. His parents seem to justify his behaviour by saying she asked for it, being "difficult and demanding". They have 2 children who are currently at home. Friend's DH is currently living with his parents while she remains in the family home. Her parents have been trying to work as intermediaries between the two but are getting worn out - they've elderly and it's all getting too much.
Can anyone give me some advice as how best approach this. My DH (who is also a friend of the family) has been round to see how she is and then had ranting father of her DH turn up. It all got a bit Jeremey Kyle at this point with some pushing and shoving before it got moved out of the house. There are also lots of nasty texts being sent to friend from her DH and his parents. Friend's kids are caught up in the middle and seem to be forming lines of defence with boy on friend's DH's side and girl on friend's side.
Apparently the aggressive behaviour by friend's DH is typical of this disease. Regardless of the reasons why this behaviour is occurring, my advice to my friend has been to record any physical contact, keep screen grabs of texts and record any phone messages left, and make sure she and the children are secure and have somewhere to go. The DH refuses to have any medical assessment of his mental or physical condition.
What else can I do? IMO she needs to leave or at least secure herself in the family home (ie changing locks) and get herself and the children in safe place but as one child sides with friend's DH and one with friend it all seems very messy.