I've invited the OW for dinner - mistake?

[youvegotmail]

Brief background, altho I have posted about this before - my husband has become good friends with a woman at work. They work in different offices in different parts of country but for same company. He trained her etc which is how they met and they meet up with work eveyr month or so. They share a hobby in common and always go to lunch or for drinks when she's across at his office. She's a lot younger than him and is really stunning looking. She is married with children (as are we!) I've been very jealous of her and anxious about how much hubby seems to like her. He emails her several times a day including when at home and basically none of it is work related, just chat. He said he likes her tons and they are good friends. I've snooped a lot and never found anything dodge but all the chat seems a bit flirty to me not because they are explicity flirting but because they so clearly like each other and bounce mails back and forth. Not texts as far as I can see although hubs says they chat on the phone at work a bit.

Anyway, I've met her a few times at social events but I've kind of snubbed her and not been very friendly. Hubby mentioned that she and her husband and kids are coming to our area during half term to see friends and I've invited them all for dinner. I'm doing it as I want to see her and hubby together and I also want to get to know her. Feel if I can make it all 'above board' with us all friendly together, it will take any excitement out of it for them, or mamke it less likely to develop into something.

I'm worried now though as since they accepted the invite hubby has been bouncing around like an excited puppy. He even talked about what he's planning to wear?! I worry I'm facilitating something I should be shutting down. Should I cancel?

[Granville72]

Hope you're ok OP. Please come back, don't let a few negative posters put you off. Ignore them (can you block posters on here so you don't see their posts?).

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

Did the OP reply to any of the PMs? Hope she's ok.

[ginslingingfucker]

charityfunday
You owe the OP a massive apology. Have you any idea what you've done? Actions of a self centred individual those were and you don't belong in relationships

[wannaBe]

the thread wasn't derailed by cfd. it was derailed by everyone piling in to respond to her. Seriously, can people not see that? She posted a post, if no-one had responded it would have just been there in the rest of the posts, no not very well posted but still, one post. The derailers aren't the posters, they are the responders.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Ginslinging, Charity has apologized.

[ubik]

Mumsnet has eaten itself

[ginslingingfucker]

My apologies - i missed it.

[AndTheBandPlayedForAnyFucker]

Hi youvegotmail
I hope you are ok.
My imression is that your dh is completely besotted or infatuated with this woman. I just reread your OP and it is just strange that it is a long distance, technology enabled, connection (imho, more than "friendship" but less than a full blown physical "relationship"). I think it is an emotional affair on his side, but can I say that it might be innocent on the part of the woman? Could she, in her youth, be naive and just kind of go along with being polite and not understand the boundaries of what is inappropriate? It can, imho, be a time boundary that she apparently just does not have a clue about.

I am curious as to the hobby they share that could be so time intensive. Can you lets us know what that is?

I was thinking about this this morning, and I also wonder if your dh's coworkers, at his daily location, know about his "obsessive" communications with her. If they do, he may be presenting them with oodles of entertainment at the water cooler as he may very well be playing the fool here. That may be a way you could get through to him: he is publically embarrassing himself.

That will have an effect on you and your relationship. I am not very good at naming emotions, but, imho, the posters who say he is disrespecting you is the foundation, with humiliation, embarrassment, and perhaps some shame (derived from the emotional abandonment that occurs when his attention is over invested on her, instead of on you where it should be). Big ouch.

You have every right to be pissed off.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

[Heartbrokenmum73]

Also agree with Zing.

CFD's contributions have been snide and purely for provocation.

The 'apology' was sarcastic at best and not meant.

How CFD is still here while AF gets suspended is beyond me...

[AmyMumsnet]

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your reports about this thread.

We do understand your concerns and we have been through the thread to delete posts which broke our talk guidelines. We have also taken steps behind the scenes based on your reports.

Please flag anything up to us that you think we have missed.

For those of you who wanted to know a bit more about what happened with AnyFucker, Justine has posted here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1890781-So-are-MNHQ-going-to-issue-a-statement-about-fuckergate

We hope the OP feels able to return as we know you are all really concerned about her .

[ginslinger]

Uh uh zing got done

[MadameDefarge]

CDF strikes me as the kind of person who takes a good deal of trouble when laundering their clothes.

[ZingAnyFucker]

deleted? why? for telling the truth and being clumsy....

[steppemum]

MNHQ

you deleted OP post from last night where she said she wouldn't post because CDF post was so hurtful

I understand that her post quoted CDF and that quote had to be deleted, but deleting her whole post makes a mockery of everything posted since and the thread now doesn't make sense.

Surely you can just edit so it says

''quote from previous post deleted''

and then let the rest of her post stand?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

I think exactly the same thing MmeDefarge.

[AndTheBandPlayedForAnyFucker]

ZingAnyFucker,

Thank you for your recent posts concerning the dynamics of sincere vs disingenuous participation on Mumsnet. It is (was ) a very astute observation, imho.

AmyMumsnet, et al MNHQ, I can only hope that MNHQ can revamp their policies to effectively limit, if not dispense with, antagonistic self-serving pontifications made for entertainment value at the expense of the innocent OP. I am not saying that that is what has happened here specifically or recently, but it is something that seems to have seeped into the relationship board (where I spend most of my MNing time) and I believe would protect the integrity of Mumsnet if this issue could be effectively managed. Thanks for your help.

[QuintsHollow]

What lengths does MNHQ have to go to, in order to protect trolls?

[ZingAnyFucker]

steppe

OP's post about being hurt got deleted?! ffs!

[MadameDefarge]

[Scarymuff]

Do it Zing

[ZingNet]

done

next I'm running for Mayor.

sorry OP, I don't mean to upset you by playing silly games on your thread. I hope you are ok.

[UrsulaRocks]

Been following this thread as a similar thing happened to me. Dh thought I was mad until the woman in question admitted to their joint friend she was after him. Hope you're ok.