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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

dont know what to say to friend her DH touched her in her sleep

23 replies

redbull · 03/07/2006 12:22

friend came round this morning couple of months ago her mom past away since she has been on sleeping tablets, she told me last night as she was trying to go to sleep her DH whispered her name she disnt reply things have been bad with them lately well after a bit he touched her down there then stopped she said she thinks he was trying to anitiate something but i dont think that sounds right??

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 03/07/2006 12:23

He was trying to initiate something, got no response so stopped.

RubyRioja · 03/07/2006 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clumsymum · 03/07/2006 12:24

Erm... You are saying her HUSBAND touched her in bed. Is this a problem?

Maybe he is trying to help her feel wanted?

QueenEagle · 03/07/2006 12:25

Sounds to me like something which, if this was an isolated incident, I would put down to a clumsy attempt at initiating something. Did she elaborate?

FioFio · 03/07/2006 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

controlfreaky · 03/07/2006 12:26

is she upset? what is she upset about? has she talked to he dh if she is upset??

Original poster

redbull · 03/07/2006 12:26

the thing is though they havent slept together for some months he said her name she didnt respond,and shes on sleep tabs so he touched her when he thought she was asleep.

OP posts:

alexsmum · 03/07/2006 12:26

yes doesn't sound like anything wrong there

Original poster

redbull · 03/07/2006 12:27

she does feel a bit alarmed to it as he thought she was asleep

OP posts:

RubyRioja · 03/07/2006 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alexsmum · 03/07/2006 12:28

but he touched her and then stopped.

it's not like he tried to wake and then rolled her over and went for it! he's her husband-surely touching is ok?

QueenEagle · 03/07/2006 12:28

Tell your friend to buy her dh a book on foreplay

Straightforward · 03/07/2006 12:29

But then he stopped, so there hardly seems to be any advantage-taking going on. My DH does this occasionally and there's no problem with it here , but surely she should be talking about it with her DH if she feels it's a problem?

clumsymum · 03/07/2006 12:30

As far as I am aware being on sleeping tablets doesn't rule out having marital relations. Sleeping tablets don't normally induce complete coma you know.

Have you never had sex when you're feeling sleepy. It's lovely and helps you sleep better.

Maybe he feels she should be returning towards normal family life, to help her get over her grief?

SoupDragon · 03/07/2006 12:30

I would imagine he thought she wasn't quite asleep TBH. You can often tell if someone is genuinely deeply asleep.

However, she feels alarmed. She is the only one who can judge this TBH. He stopped though. If he had any dodgy intentions, would he have stopped??

cupcakes · 03/07/2006 12:35

Can't see the problem at all. Even if she was almost asleep he was probably trying to initiate something in a pleasurable way. It's not like he forced himself on her.

SecurMummy · 03/07/2006 12:37

TBH, she was not asleep- as everyone else says you can gt an idea when someone is asleep even if they don't talk. I would have thought he just thought she was not quite asleep (which she wasn't) tried it on anyway got no tesponse so went to sleep!

This all sounds normal to me - but is she upset? I think from your OP she is not?

trinityrhino · 03/07/2006 12:38

i see no problem at all, for men the actual act of sex is how they express their love (apparently) whereas for women we (generally) have to feel happy and loved to want to have sex
he sounds like he was trying to be close and then stopped when he got no reaction at all
I think you can tell when someone is properly asleep

he's probably feeling rejected now

SSSandy · 03/07/2006 12:53

sounds redbull like you're concerned he might be waiting till she's asleep and then "having his way" with her but I really think she'd notice that. Don't you think so? Even if she didn't wake up due to the sleeping pills , there'd be, well, stickiness...

I think you don't need to worry about it so much really.

geekgrrl · 03/07/2006 12:58

agree with everyone else - seems perfectly normal and acceptable to me. (Although I do find it slightly annoying when dh does this get woken up by the children enough as it is)

warthog · 03/07/2006 13:13

i don't think there's anything to worry about. he could probably tell she wasn't asleep so thought he'd try. she didn't respond so he gave up.

homemama · 03/07/2006 13:26

Agree with the other posters that it sounds quite reasonable, i.e he stopped when she didn't respond.

DH does this at least once a week and sometimes it's actually quite nice to be woken up being kissed and touched. TBH, I think he's often pretty asleep himself when he starts as I'll sometimes wake thinking 'this is nice' and he's stopped and is snoring away again!

looneytune · 03/07/2006 13:29

I agree with everyone else and wouldn't be worried unless there's more to it that we don't know about. I personally have woken up many times to being dh doing stuff and I like it, if I don't I just tell him to get off

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