Stupid question but how do I start a conversation with a counsellor?

[566506]

Intro session is tomorrow morning. I don't know how to start talking. I've ducked out of free phone counselling via a service provided by my employer before because I just couldn't start the conversation but this time I'm seeing someone in person.

If they ask me how I am or how I am feeling I am likely to say "fine" automatically.

General advice and a few stock phrases for starting this kind of conversation would both be very much welcomed.

Thank you!

They are trained to initiate and guide conversation. Please don't worry, it's their job!

You are very brave and I wish you lots if luck. Hard work but worth the pain.

Whatever feels right. You can sit in silence, say what you want to talk to them about, anything. It is your time.

She is a professional and this is her job. I shall take that phrase to bed with me.

It IS her job. And good on you for going.

Also, any counsellor worth her salt will see straight past "fine" so there's no need to worry about that.

Good luck.

When I started counselling, I typed out what I wanted to talk about, mostly because I find it easier to put things in writing than say them aloud. Not that anyone who sees the wittering length of some of my posts would ever believe that.

Once the conversation was started (which was mostly, "Can you tell me more about...") I was fine, and the sessions after that, she could just start with, "Last week we were talking about..." and it got easier as I got more relaxed with her.

But it is part of the job, having people who find it difficult to get the words out and aren't sure what to say or how to say it.

At the start every week I have said I am 'fine' when asked, it's an automatic response with me too. Once you get talking it will get easier, good luck.

Hello OP, I qualified as a counsellor last year and have been volunteering ever since in a service in my area. I agree with what the posters above have said: it's the most natural thing in the world to feel apprehensive about what to say or how to react when it's your first session. Just remember that what counselling is, is a supportive conversation with someone who is trained to listen and ask questions in a way that facilitates you to start reflecting on things in a safe space. Your counsellor will not be judging you - he/she will be thinking about the courage it will have taken for you to get to the place where you feel able to start this process. Whatever happens, happens and you will face it together. Best tip I can give you is to be honest, and start learning to trust in yourself.x

I also volunteer in a counselling type role, and in the first session always tell the person to be kind to themselves for the rest of the day. It can be unsettling just thinking about stuff, let alone talking about it. If you can, give yourself some space to just be afterwards. Good luck.

The reason you pay them so much is that they're trained to help you say what you will want or need to say. I had psychotherapy for 2-3 years and I was amazed at how the process would happen, with no forward thinking from me. I could feel myself changing and yet I was never able to put my finger on exactly how.

Be prepared that you might cry in sessions - I did a lot and it was out of my control. If your sessions are anything like mine your therapist will encourage you to talk about how you feel in relation to things that have happened.

Good luck by the way - in my case it was the best thing I ever did

Yes the crying - every counselling session I've had has had a box of tissues on the table and I've always used them! They always emphasise that the crying is totally normal, too.

I hope it went OK, 556506.

Thanks everyone. I read all the replies last night and this morning and it
helped.

It was just an intro session so only half an hour and we spent the first few minutes talking about the forms and formalities. I still found myself on the verge of tears several times but whenever she asked what I was feeling I had no answer.

Going back next week for the full hour. Yes, there was definitely a box of tissues on the table. I can't remember the last time I cried in front of someone but do suspect I may have to use them next time.

Let it out, honey. It's such a relief if you've been putting on a brave face or holding it all together . It's your time to spill, blurt, weep whatever. Glad it went ok today. I have my 4th session next week and look forward to it. I know I won't need the support forever. You are just recognising that you need something to help you through this patch and to move forward . It's good to be able to recognise you need that time and space to empty your head a bit. Good luck next week. Most things are a lot less worse than you imagine they are going to be.

When I apologised for crying the first time, my counsellor pointed out it was actually a pretty natural and healthy way of venting emotion and this was a good place to be doing it, if that helps :-D

I had 6 weeks of CBT on the NHS and we didn't fix everything in that time, but what I got from it was the tools to be able to carry on fixing things myself. And I'm still using them.