Please help me. Hand hold, advice, anything, please!

[lonelymango]

I already have a 5 month old son. My partner walked out on us a month ago and wont be coming back due to his violence and anger issues. There is no contact between us at the moment literally everything is going through a solicitor. I even took an injunction against him. The last few weeks have been so so so hard I cant put it into words there has just been so much to contend with.
I took a pregnancy test this evening more just for reassurance as I had missed a period but put that down to stress. Low and behold it was a big fat positive. Id work that out to be about 5 or 6 weeks. I just dont think I can go through with this pregnancy though. I dont know what to do. Im scared to talk to anybody. My family and friends are supporting me enough without this added in on top. And I think a part of me thinks, if I told anyone and then had an abortion would they judge me for the rest of my life?
Im sorry this all sounds so unbalanced Im just really freaking out and dont know what to do. That was not the result I wanted or expected and I feel awful for that. My son is my absolute word and I love having the time to relish on him, Being able to afford to give him nice things and Im scared I would end up really struggling physically and mentally with a child I might not love and not be able to provide for. I just dont think I can do it but I dont know what to do sad

Here hold my hand

It's going to be ok

People will not judge you either way!

Can you talk to someone in real life?

You will be ok.
you will get through this.
you must be going through hell. people will not judge you, whatever your decision.

here is my hand, and lots of xx

Ok having got that up, I've had an abortion it's not something that I tell people there is no reason for it to come up in a normal conversation! People that would judge me vaguely similar circumstance to you are not worth me being round.

You have time to think this through, you don't need to make a decision now, so relax and little and let the news sink in. Right now your in shock.

I do recommend talking to someone in real life. If not family or a friend, your gp or I think there is an organisation (I'll see if I can find the details for you).

Keep talking on here, people will help and understand I promise you

No judging at all! Can you chat with a health visitor, gp or someone impartial? I'm sure your nearest and dearest wouldn't judge you either, they'll be with you all the way.
Have my hand ...

You poor love. Take your time making the decision, don't rush in to anything, though its natural to feel panicked. No one who matters will judge you negatively in your situation.

No one will judge you for having an abortion. Most people will barely remember after a few years (honestly, I often forget that I did). Take some time, get some real life support, work out what options make sense for you. Nothing is ever as insurmountable as it seems but at the same time there's no need to be a hero and think you have to deal with every twist and turn life deals with you when there is a way out.

Thank you so much. I think Im just really scared to say anything to anyone in real life because the last few weeks have been so bat shit crazy. I couldnt go into detail because i'd definitely identify myself but he has put me and the baby through absolute hell and everyone has been so worried. I dont want to put on anyone anymore. Im even worried about stupid aspects of it like If I did have an abortion could I do it without telling anyone? Would I have to go into hospital? I probably wouldn't be able to get a babysitter for a day without explaining.
I see the way people look at me lately with such pity and I just want to move on. I know I probably sound really harsh but my whole life has become some sort of dramatic circus where anyone and everyone who knows us knows everything thats happened to me lately and I just want a bit of peace and dignity and time to enjoy my baby. Im just so gutted.

Oh Darling. So sorry u r going through this.
Please let me hold your hand.

First of all c

Time is on your side, so take your time. No, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to, but if there is someone who you feel wouldn't be judgemental maybe they could support you. You could always need a small op to take away a few suspect cells from your cervix if that's an explanation you wanted to give. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Oh Darling. So sorry u r going through this.
Please let me hold your hand.

First of all congratulations on your son and getting rid of his abusive father. Being pregnant again is so not what u need now, is in it? If u decide to have an abortion NOBODY will judge u - u r in very difficult situaction.
I hope u could talk to somebody in real life.
Go to the gp and discuss your options.

Xxxxx

Mango how old are you? If you're under 25 I recommend ringing Brook. They are fab and can talk to you about your options (all of them, including carryong on with the pregnancy), but if you have an early abortion via pills you won't have to stay in hospital, although I think they still make you go in to collect both doses.

I would encourage you to tell someone though if it's the route you go down. People honestly will not judge you and it will be so much easier for you if you can let off a little steam to someone in real life, but please keep posting here for support if it helps.

Oh, you poor love. You know, you probably know loads of people who've had abortions. They're hardly rare. It's a valid and sensible option to consider, in your position. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. Can you make an appointment with a GP? They can set you on the path to talk to someone.

Good luck.

Poor Mango, you have so much to cope with. Go and see your GP. If you ask someone to mind your baby while you go, you can always say you need help sleeping or coping with the stress (and no wonder). Remember a GP keeps your conversation confidential.

Also, Marie Stopes www.mariestopes.org.uk/ has a 24 hour advice line on 0845 300 8090.

Keep posting. People on here will handhold if you need it.

Thank you everybody for the advice and hand holding. Its only really early days. I went to a family planning clinic this morning and have a termination consultation next week. I know this is the right choice. My son needs all of my attention right now and coping with everything that has happened is just so hard. Thank you

From a practical POV, I had a medical termination (where you take 2 pills and it induces a miscarriage) and it was ok. It was a lot less painful and traumatic than my miscarriages. I went for the first appointment on the Friday, had a scan to check that I was eligible for the pill (think you have to be under 9 weeks, they dont show you the scan) and then was back on the monday for the second pill. Both appointments were under an hour and then the products of my uterus came away overnight.

You are absolutely doing the right thing if you feel it is the right thing. Other peoples opinions dont matter, do what you need to do for you and your son.

Well done on getting out of an abusive relationship, that is so hard and you have done it, you should be very proud of yourself.

Take care my love, we will be here for you.

No judgement here, you do what you have to do.Several of my friends have had abortions, so I am very firmly pro choice.

Do what you have to do OP and we will support you.
Your life your choice

Hand holding