Getting over separation

[LD68]

Does anyone have any advice to give me please? I've just separated with my DP of 23 years after his emotional affair which he ended came back to me & I found out on Tuesday he was still texting her & that although he said "he didn't love her" he also said "he couldn't stay away firm her" as a result I've kicked him out. What I need to know is how does anyone get on with their life after being with someone for so long? I feel so lost & lonely I have 2 grown up DD's living with me that have been great but where do I go from here? I want him back but I can't because of all the lies & I know I would never trust him again. I've told him I never want to see or speak to him again. Thank you for any advice you can give. Xx

Hi, I've recently separated from my husband as well - we were also together for 23 yrs, since I was 15.

In the end it was mutual but I know for a fact he'd had at least 3 EAs over the years (that I know of) and probably more.

To be honest I'm happier than I've been for years & years. I realise now that he'd been dragging me down for a very long time. I tried to hold it all together for the sake of the children (mine are only 11 & 7) but he'd checked out years ago & ultimately I needed to salvage what little self-respect I had left & move on.

I'm using my time now to meet friends, go shopping, watch films - just doing things 'I' want to do instead of what I thought he wanted to do. Do you have anything that you've not done for years that you could pick up again? Could you look for another partner, just for friendly drinks perhaps to help you move on?

Oh RollerCola it's great to realise someone is in a similar situation to me. Though I do think you've had it worse than me. I've thought about going on a dating website. I did a few years ago when we split up before But I don't know think its a bit early. & I seemed to attract creeps on there. Although I've said I don't want contact with him I'm still in the stage of constantly checking my phone hoping he texts.

You can't rush something as traumatic and life-changing as this. All you can do is stay really busy, be with people that make you feel good and try to give yourself as little time to wallow in self-pity (or check text messages etc) as possible. If you can put things in your diary to look forward to, that helps you gradually move forward into an independent life. Good luck

Thank you Cogito. I suppose not. I'm still breaking down crying over something trivial like his shoes being in the hallway, hearing a song we both liked. Wouldn't be good on a date ha ha.

I'm just trying to take one day at a time at the moment. I will get there in the end I know I will just feels a bit bleak now as it's early days.

It's been nearly three years since I separated from my exh after twenty years together and I'm still getting over it. I had been unhappy for years my exh was abusive. By the time I found the courage to instigate a seperation my self esteem was at rock bottom. I found good friends and family have helped, also counselling was really good at enabling me to understand my feelings and giving me back some confidence in myself and the old cliche of time.
For me there had been no magic cure and I've only just begun to feel that I could now meet someone new but I'm in no rush!
I try to have something to look forward to everyday no matter how small it is, hth

Early days are incredibly bleak as I remember it. Or at least a weird combination of bleak one minute, OK the next and then waking up feeling fine only to remember everything and feel bleak all over again. There's a whole year of my life I don't really remember. Got out my passport, volunteered for a lot of overseas assignments with my company, didn't really go home much. It does get better and you'll be a stronger person in the end. But short-term, look after yourself.

Yes I agree with getting your diary filled up with things to take your mind off it. Take up people's offers if they ask if you'd like a coffee. Go to the cinema & watch a good film.

But you do also need time to grieve. You've been together a very long time. Life is going to be different, but it will be BETTER. You deserve better & you deserve to be happy. That may or may not be with another partner but for now there's no rush.

I allowed myself some time to be very upset for a time. I was distraught, I cried & cried for days. But then I stopped. I picked myself up & refused to let him break me. I (hopefully) am a stronger person because of what happened.

I got very angry after I found out about his most recent affair, and logged on to an online dating site just as some kind of therapy I suppose, to see if anyone could possibly still like me. About 50 messages later from 49 freaks of nature I logged off again, but not before just 1 guy caught my attention.
It's way too soon for anything serious for me, but I've agreed to have a drink with him & I'll hopefully have another fun night.

Take care of yourself. You can do this.

No wise words from me (they'll come, and are already coming, from other amazing MNers on here) but yeah, I feel you OP.

Split from ex six months back when he decided he didn't love me anymore, the dick. We'd been together almost 19 years, more of less half of my life. We have three youngish kids (all with me) and I'm struggling.

I would just say keep talking on here, and spill what you want about how you feel (no matter how shit it is) because there are always others who have been there (or are there, in my case) and come out the other side.

UnMNetty hugs to you.

Thank you everyone some really good advice there. It certainly seems like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks again.