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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need advice to give advice

2 replies

HedgeHogGroup · 17/10/2013 18:23

A friend of mine has just had her first baby. The dad of the baby dumped her while she was pregnant- after messing about with her head for weeks and starting to display really controlling behaviour.
Since her DD was born he's turned up again -at the hospital after a really traumatic birth. He oscillates between passive aggressive and threatening her (both in person & by text). She is staying with her mum & they're both frightened of him turning up at their house. Her mum can't stand him but understands that he has a 'right' to see his daughter - he's told them often enough
I want to give her advice but I'm really not sure what to say. So far I've said;

  • Anyone can father a child but he now needs to demonstrate a sustained ability to be a dad
  • Keep all the text messages he sends
  • Consider swapping your mobile number & only look at your old SIM once a week to check his texts
  • Contact the police and tell them you're scared of him

This is all advice I've picked up from reading the threads on here. What am I missing?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2013 18:40

I think the thing to stress is that this man doesn't have a 'right' to see his daughter. There is no obligation and, if he wants contact, he has to sue for it - prove the child is his for a start and then seek access through the courts. That's why she absolutely needs to report him for the threats and then drop contact, with police help if necessary. Threatening bullies have no place in your friend's life or her baby's.

HedgeHogGroup · 17/10/2013 20:18

Thank you ... And bump? I'm more useless than 1 reply can negate!

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