DDs relationship with family

[mumaa]

Just wondered, has anyone else been surprised but how much or how little interest some family members have taken in your DC?

Those we thought would be hugely involved haven't really been and those we thought wouldn't be too interested have been pretty involved, just wondering what everyone else's experience has been with grandparents/great grandparents/aunts/uncles?

Oh yes. We're a really small immediate family.... DM, DF me and DB... When I had DS (and I'm a lone parent so there are no ILs in the picture) my DB had zero interest in him whatsoever although DM and DF were very involved. However, when DB had his own DS a few years later things were very different and we were all supposed to be agog at this Boy Wonder :) I choose to be amused by the hypocrisy than upset.

ha cogito amusement is always the best course

my DB told me i'd be 'as well watching two' when i was on maternity leave with DD, suggesting i take care of his DS aswell. i do love my nephew but laughter was my only response to that

Considering how much they talk about family being everything to them, my parents are amazing in their ability to not give a toss about any of my children. They live three miles away and drive past the end of our road every day, but they visit maybe once a year. I can't drive so it's harder for me to get to them.
Some people are just crap. My parents are nice people and very good to their friends, but they always were rubbish parents. I suppose this is just a continuation of that. The first thing my mother said when I told her I was pregnant with my first child was "Well don't expect me to babysit, I've done my share". And to give her credit, she kept her word and in 12 years she hasn't looked after any of my kids for even as much as 5 minutes.
It's their loss, my kids are brilliant people.

queeny you are indeed correct, it is their loss... i could be wrong but i would like to think if DD went on to have DC i would be pretty keen to be involved. Is up to the individual though and i am very grateful to those who do take a keen interest, i really do feel that some are losing out but that is entirely their choice

My in laws are like this. They are very heavily involved with his sisters daughters (who are now adults), still booking dentist appointments etc. With our DS they are not so involved, he has to make the effort to see them.

When DD was born 9 months ago I thought they would be involved with her, but sadly, the golden granddaughter had a DD 6 weeks before my DD was born. My DD doesnt get a look in, in laws look after the other baby one day a week so their granddaughter can work, DD has to go to a nursery, there was no offer for us. (But not bothered by this as I didnt want them looking after her, it was just the principle)

They never see DD or ask about her, I very much doubt they would be able to pick her out of a line up, but its their loss. But I know my DD is going to grow up knowing that her grandparents prefer their great granddaughter over her.

I wrote this on here some years back:-

"Some grandparents do not want to put in any involvement with regards to their grandchildren and do not want any emotional involvement in their lives in any way shape or form. They are not interested full stop. I put my own parents into the disinterested/unsupportive category. My Mother in particular feels more at ease cleaning my Brother's empty house in my hometown whilst he is at work.

I never wanted daily care or even daily visits; I just wanted them to show some interest in my son. This has not happened. I have come to accept this but I do sometimes feel wistful particularly when I see grandparents out for the day with their grandchildren, buying them treats or spending time with them in the park. My parents would never do that (and there's been no row about this, I find it too painful to discuss it now) and besides which previous comments regarding them visiting more (done in nice and calm non confrontational way I might add) have fallen on deaf ears)".

Queenie73's post really struck a chord with me as well; my parents have also driven past the end of my road on their way to clean my brother's house. My mother also made a similar comment but hers was, "do not expect me to babysit any child you have".

Several years on he is a strapping teen and taller than all of his grandparents. He's not really bothered about any of his grandparents either, they have truly reaped what they sowed all those years ago. I see it as their loss but do they?. I do not at heart think so because they are too selfish to see it as this.

same story here with my ILs Cogito, SIL had zero interest but as soon as she had hers we were expected to fawn all over them as if she had done something clever.

MIL who had been previously involved literally discarded our DC overnight. Months without any calls/visits because she was too busy with SIL and if we did manage to be together at a family event my DC were invisible to her.

The sting however is that SIL lives abroad and PILs have aged suddenly with no one to run around after them or fill in the large voids in between SILs visits here or their visits to her. And it's only going to get worse as they become less independent and subsequently travel less.

MIL randomly attempts to lure DH back into the fold with a rambling banal text but he mostly ignores or sends a simple curt 'ok' which must be disappointing for her. Then silence for months, then random text arrives.

vodka that is so bizarre that they are more than willing to help their granddaughter but show little interest in DD

attila i think you are probably right, if those missing out really felt that they were missing out they would be in touch, what's to stop them?!

brass sounds like they are starting to realise they could have good relationships closer to home if only they had made the effort!

Our DD is first grandchild on ILs side so can only imagine when more grandchildren come the interest will decrease even more. What i found strange though was when i recently discovered MIL was going around baby shops 'trying out' prams for SIL who is not yet pregnant i would have thought you would like to spend time with the grandchild you do have rather than spend that time shopping, by yourself, for a child that does not yet exist... Don't get it!