I joined this site specifically to write this thread & get some valuable advice, the story is pretty horrific but true!!!
I met a guy on the internet last June, a reputable site, as a mother of a 5 year old little girl and being single for 5 years after leaving a violent man I wanted to be sure (as you can be) I was ready to move on. My daughters dad & I had a terrible relationship & it's not particularly amicable after 2 very stressful & painful years of him trying to say I was an unfit mother, so I waited a long time before moving on.
The guy I met was just lovely, professional, 2 years older than me, no kids, divorced & was genuine, he took to my little girl so well & we had so much in common & he was my soulmate almost instantly! We lived in different counties so we both made the effort to see each other & it was 2 nights a week because of work commitments on both sides.
The relationship was committed & very honest, we both knew each other's past, I have not been a saint & neither had he but it was open & honest. In February this year we decided we wanted to be together & with him being a farmer I would have to move to be with him, we told my ex who hit the roof & refused to let me move with our daughter so yet again court proceedings had to be initiated to get a court order to move, this was hugely stressful & as I only work p/t I couldn't afford court costs but my boyfriend had been adimant from the start that he would pay no matter what the cost so the 3 of us could be together, needless to say the court gave permission & £25'000 later I am here living on the farm since August bank holiday this year.
All was fantastic, very happy to be together, then one day as I was in the study trying to find a lead for the printer in a drawer I found a phone bill for his landline, over £450!!!! It turned out he was phoning this chat line number, not a premium rate but a dating/fun chatline, and phoning it obsessively, abit more rummaging also revealed he'd been making these calls for over 6 years all through his marriage!!!!, we had the most almighty row & I hit the roof, he broke down and confessed to the calls & allsorts of emotional stuff came out about his childhood & past relationships, basically he was severely emotionally damaged, he begged me to stand by him and help him to have counselling, which I did.
The next discovery was his personal phone, as he gave it to me on the counsellors instruction it wasn't until a week later I actually sat & went through it, his inbox was full of just filth & pictures of women's genitals, messages detailing horrendous fantasies these women wanted to act with him!! To top it all, before I met him last summer he had a 3 month thing with a fuckbuddy, his words & when we got together he told me he has sent a message to all the women he was talking to off dating sites to tell them he had found someone, I saw these messages in the phone & they were all nice & said good luck etc, but there were filthy messages from the fuckbuddy after we had started sleeping together, although I could only see inbox & not his half of the correspondence it was clear he has responded with filth aswell, so another row & I threatened to leave, he yet again begged me to stay saying it was in the past and his life changed on sept 18th this year when the phone bill had been discovered, and he started counselling, I again stayed.
The next development was his confession to looking at porn, which he knew I had a problem with & had asked him profusely not to do it due to issues from my childhood which he understood, when this came out I decided to install some spyware into his work laptop which I subsequently did 2 weeks ago, then on Monday he logged onto a site which I can only describe as the worst type of porn dating/chat site I ever knew existed, he had a profile on there advertising himself as a stud to come into married couples relationships as a "bull", he had put he was single into anything, would do bareback, it was just horrific!!! The software told me though that he only logged on for 40 seconds but I was so angry so I confronted him about it on Monday evening & yet again he admitted to it, his story was that a woman he had been talking to was severely ill and he just wanted to see if he had a message letting him know how she was (he is a sensitive soul with strangers & people who are ill), I asked him why he gave a shit about some tart on a site & that was the answer I got.
Later that evening I insisted he remove his profile from this filthy site & he didn't put up any defence, he told me his password to log in, unfortunately the site doesn't let you remove the profile so we amended it, I asked about this woman and wanted to see who she was in his friends list, which we were deleting I might add, and to cut a long story short, 3 days later with no sleep or eating he was actually having a relationship on some sick level with this woman, I was able to read all the messages between them & including dog sex acts which he requested pictures of her doing & this "breeding" where the "bull" takes risks to get the slave pregnant, words cannot describe it, this had begun last June when he met he & had carried on until August when she got ill but he had still been messaging her husband to see how she was!!!! In the correspondence it is my guy that is pushing all the time to meet up to have a threesome with her & her husband details which are too explicit to put on here.
The problem is he has been having counselling now for 5 weeks & has been totally honest in the sessions but not about this affair, he is coming to terms with the issues he suffered as a child with his parents & ex girlfriends & have affected him horrendously because he is over sensitive & abit fucked up to be honest, but I wanted opinions as I have now told him it's over because he clearly had some sort of feelings for this woman as they talked about such intimate things & shared a common bond as she was messed up from her childhood too, he has had dozens & dozens of sexual sessions over the net with her from getting her pregnant to having anal sex with her husband at the same time which repulses me.
All we ever said we wanted was to get married have a child together & grow old together, he is actually a very old fashioned viewed man and this has just shocked me to the core, he hates himself & smashed a pot over his own head last night to self harm as he hates himself so much & blames himself for sabotaging our relationship, he gas a massive gash on his forehead, he has said all the way through all this crap that it is fantasy and he had no intention of doing these things or meeting anyone, I know for a fact that in the last 8 years he has only slept with his ex wife, fuckbuddy & me, the removal lorry is booked for 2 weeks time in half term for me to return to my old house (thankfully still empty) but he is a broken man, even his best friend is concerned he may try to commit suicide over losing me, I have never questioned wether he loves me as I KNOW he does but he is just such an emotional wreck, I do still love him dearly & know that IF we could get past this somehow we could be so strong as a couple, but I believe just too much has gone on & the hurt is just overwhelming.
I have gone down 3 jean sizes in the last 6 weeks & haven't slept or eaten for days, my daughter is becoming clingy & tearful, I have to make the right decision for all if us, but am worried I will regret it for the rest of my life as he is a broken man, so remorseful & ashamed,
Any advice or opinions would be so gratefully received.